Tips on Making Friends For Shy People
November 28, 2009 by admin
Filed under Relationships
Alex Vasilevski asked:
Shy people can find it challenging to make friends especially if they are amongst people they don’t know. Would you like to have the skills to start conversation and make friends with total strangers? It is not so difficult and frightening as you think as with little effort and practice you can start right now. Even better once you learn how it will become second nature to you, each time it will be easier, you will overcome shyness and making friends will become pleasure instead of torture.
The first thing to understand is that your shyness can end up being a real gift. Why? Because most of the time, people would rather talk than listen. It is human nature. So if you want to learn how to make friends all you have to know is how to get people to talk to you. Now this is easy once you understand what people like to talk about the most. Themselves.
That’s right, if you want to get people to talk to you just ask them about themselves. Now, of course you are going to run into people who are more private and may be reluctant to do this. In this case, find out what they are interested in and get them to talk about it. Ask how long they have been doing it; ask why they started and why they like it so much. Then just let them go and listen. Knowing how to make friends is all about being able to keep a good conversation going. Get someone to talk about what they are interested in and you’ll hardly have to talk at all. Pretty soon, they’ll wonder the same thing about you. By then it ought to be easy to have your turn.
That said, let me give you a few tips on how to make friends by starting these kinds of conversations and keeping them going:
· Practice talking to people you don’t know:
You can start small and work your way up. Make it a goal today to say hello to at least one person who you don’t know. Do this for one week and then begin to also ask them “How are you today?” Once this becomes a habit, pick two people a day until you are saying this to everyone who you can. You will be surprised at how easy it becomes after some practice.
· Compliment them or ask for their advice
These are both powerful ways to earn someone’s respect right away. Of course, you may not always be in a position to ask someone for advice. That’s when you go for the compliment. Don’t worry about what you are going to say next, the conversation may not go anywhere and that’s OK. The point is that if you get into the habit of doing this that you are going to run into some people who will help move the conversation along.
These simple steps will make a world of difference; just imagine where you could be one year from now! So go ahead and work on putting them into practice. Soon you will learn that knowing how to make friends is something even shy people can learn.
Shy people can find it challenging to make friends especially if they are amongst people they don’t know. Would you like to have the skills to start conversation and make friends with total strangers? It is not so difficult and frightening as you think as with little effort and practice you can start right now. Even better once you learn how it will become second nature to you, each time it will be easier, you will overcome shyness and making friends will become pleasure instead of torture.
The first thing to understand is that your shyness can end up being a real gift. Why? Because most of the time, people would rather talk than listen. It is human nature. So if you want to learn how to make friends all you have to know is how to get people to talk to you. Now this is easy once you understand what people like to talk about the most. Themselves.
That’s right, if you want to get people to talk to you just ask them about themselves. Now, of course you are going to run into people who are more private and may be reluctant to do this. In this case, find out what they are interested in and get them to talk about it. Ask how long they have been doing it; ask why they started and why they like it so much. Then just let them go and listen. Knowing how to make friends is all about being able to keep a good conversation going. Get someone to talk about what they are interested in and you’ll hardly have to talk at all. Pretty soon, they’ll wonder the same thing about you. By then it ought to be easy to have your turn.
That said, let me give you a few tips on how to make friends by starting these kinds of conversations and keeping them going:
· Practice talking to people you don’t know:
You can start small and work your way up. Make it a goal today to say hello to at least one person who you don’t know. Do this for one week and then begin to also ask them “How are you today?” Once this becomes a habit, pick two people a day until you are saying this to everyone who you can. You will be surprised at how easy it becomes after some practice.
· Compliment them or ask for their advice
These are both powerful ways to earn someone’s respect right away. Of course, you may not always be in a position to ask someone for advice. That’s when you go for the compliment. Don’t worry about what you are going to say next, the conversation may not go anywhere and that’s OK. The point is that if you get into the habit of doing this that you are going to run into some people who will help move the conversation along.
These simple steps will make a world of difference; just imagine where you could be one year from now! So go ahead and work on putting them into practice. Soon you will learn that knowing how to make friends is something even shy people can learn.
Help Kids Make Friends – What Can Parents Do to Guide the Social Development of Children?
October 24, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach asked:
Making friends is a skill, just like playing the piano or riding a bike. Skills can be learned and behaviors can be changed. While it may require more effort for some people to be comfortable in groups, it can be learned, especially if the child is willing to put forth the effort and knows that she has your support.
Be sure to encourage a child’s positive efforts to get along with peers and to find a friend, even when it appears that such attempts are not meeting with success. Remind her of the fine qualities that she has that will add to the friendship when just the right person comes along.
Another reminder is that making just the right friend for her may take some time and not to give up. Help her to see what she has to offer as a friend. For example, you might say: “I really appreciate it when my friends call me and invite me places. It makes me feel welcome and accepted. Even on the times when I am not able to go, I still feel good to know they thought of me. That is why I treat them with kindness and respect, because that is how I want to be treated.”
In my workshops I find it helpful to make a list of what people look for in a friend. You may want to make such a list with your child. After brainstorming it is easy to include such things as:
• Trustworthy
• Kind and compassionate
• Willing to share happy and sad times
• Loyal, will watch my back
• Sense of humor
• Positive attitude, upbeat
• Similar interests
• Fun to be with
• Not be too possessive or needy
• Cooperative
• Enjoys being with me
If you look at the list, almost never does it include psychical attributes, they are all character traits and inner personal skills. If we don’t have those skills, we can work on obtaining them by practicing a little each day until it becomes automatic action. It is this attitude of openness and willingness to share that is communicated to those we would like to be our friends.
The irony is that people, young and old, tend to blame outward appearances for lack of friends, when it is the inward attitudes and character traits that are longed for in friendship. We are not searching for lovely nearly as much as loyalty in a companion and buddy.
When we realize that it is not our big ears, speech impediment or color of skin that stops others from befriending us, as much as it is how we treat others and feel about ourselves, we will have more to offer a friendship. As you encourage making a list of what the child is looking for in a friend, be sure to mention that appearances may be deceiving. She may very well know many in her class who are also looking for just the right person to hang around with.
Hopefully, your child will draw her own conclusions that she is a valuable person and has much to bring to a relationship. And likewise, there may very well be many people who meet the criteria of a friend that she has been overlooking.
It is more empowering for a child to list her own positive qualities that will make her a valuable friend than for you to do it for her. This is her work, but you are the support team. You cannot make your child happy, popular, talented or attractive to other children. If you think you can, you will be setting both of you up for disappointment and a great deal of frustration.
What you can do is offer her suggestions, assistance, opportunities and options. Hopefully, she will recognize the clues of social interaction and ‘click’ with a good group of friends who will support her in her school years and become life long buddies.
How you manage social situations affects the way your children view social interaction. If you have meaningful relationships that add pleasure to your life, they will see that and want to have the same thing.
I also do Confidence Coaching for young adults (8 to 18) Call me for more information.
© 2008 by Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator, Author and international speaker on family relations. Ph: 406.549.9813 You may reprint this article, but please keep the contact information and content intact.
For Free articles and to sign up for the e-zine The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life please go to www.ArtichokePress.com You will also find a full listing of books, workshops, and Free teleclasses held every Thursday on family relationship issues.
For a free eBook on non verbal and verbal communication go to
Making friends is a skill, just like playing the piano or riding a bike. Skills can be learned and behaviors can be changed. While it may require more effort for some people to be comfortable in groups, it can be learned, especially if the child is willing to put forth the effort and knows that she has your support.
Be sure to encourage a child’s positive efforts to get along with peers and to find a friend, even when it appears that such attempts are not meeting with success. Remind her of the fine qualities that she has that will add to the friendship when just the right person comes along.
Another reminder is that making just the right friend for her may take some time and not to give up. Help her to see what she has to offer as a friend. For example, you might say: “I really appreciate it when my friends call me and invite me places. It makes me feel welcome and accepted. Even on the times when I am not able to go, I still feel good to know they thought of me. That is why I treat them with kindness and respect, because that is how I want to be treated.”
In my workshops I find it helpful to make a list of what people look for in a friend. You may want to make such a list with your child. After brainstorming it is easy to include such things as:
• Trustworthy
• Kind and compassionate
• Willing to share happy and sad times
• Loyal, will watch my back
• Sense of humor
• Positive attitude, upbeat
• Similar interests
• Fun to be with
• Not be too possessive or needy
• Cooperative
• Enjoys being with me
If you look at the list, almost never does it include psychical attributes, they are all character traits and inner personal skills. If we don’t have those skills, we can work on obtaining them by practicing a little each day until it becomes automatic action. It is this attitude of openness and willingness to share that is communicated to those we would like to be our friends.
The irony is that people, young and old, tend to blame outward appearances for lack of friends, when it is the inward attitudes and character traits that are longed for in friendship. We are not searching for lovely nearly as much as loyalty in a companion and buddy.
When we realize that it is not our big ears, speech impediment or color of skin that stops others from befriending us, as much as it is how we treat others and feel about ourselves, we will have more to offer a friendship. As you encourage making a list of what the child is looking for in a friend, be sure to mention that appearances may be deceiving. She may very well know many in her class who are also looking for just the right person to hang around with.
Hopefully, your child will draw her own conclusions that she is a valuable person and has much to bring to a relationship. And likewise, there may very well be many people who meet the criteria of a friend that she has been overlooking.
It is more empowering for a child to list her own positive qualities that will make her a valuable friend than for you to do it for her. This is her work, but you are the support team. You cannot make your child happy, popular, talented or attractive to other children. If you think you can, you will be setting both of you up for disappointment and a great deal of frustration.
What you can do is offer her suggestions, assistance, opportunities and options. Hopefully, she will recognize the clues of social interaction and ‘click’ with a good group of friends who will support her in her school years and become life long buddies.
How you manage social situations affects the way your children view social interaction. If you have meaningful relationships that add pleasure to your life, they will see that and want to have the same thing.
I also do Confidence Coaching for young adults (8 to 18) Call me for more information.
© 2008 by Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator, Author and international speaker on family relations. Ph: 406.549.9813 You may reprint this article, but please keep the contact information and content intact.
For Free articles and to sign up for the e-zine The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life please go to www.ArtichokePress.com You will also find a full listing of books, workshops, and Free teleclasses held every Thursday on family relationship issues.
For a free eBook on non verbal and verbal communication go to
