The Art of Making Friends
December 23, 2009 by admin
Filed under Relationships
Francis Githinji asked:
Making friends is an art and, you will need to learn some of the things that it takes to get the art. The art of making friends unlike what many think is not complicated at all. You will need to look for vital tips that will actually guide you. To make good friends, we need to be guided and, the following are some of the secrets that will see you learn the art and make the friends that you want and deserve. First, before you say you deserve good friends, it is vital to look at what you are like. Your behavior and mannerisms are directly linked to the kind of people you draw in your life to be your friends. In other words, you will make friends who are just like you. The art of making good friends is about looking for good friends because you are worth good friends. There are no two ways about it and, you will see this to be true in your life. There are other factors that come to play while learning the art and they include the following.
The art of making friends will depend on the age you are at. Your gender will also shape the kind of friendships you get into. Above all, your personality is the key to make friends as we have mentioned earlier. If you are the kind of person who is introverted, the way you make friends will actually be different from the way others make friends. There are several things that will guide you on how exactly you can master the art of making friends in your life. After you have considered the kind of person you are, it is time to look at the areas in which you can improve. For example, if you realize that your traits cannot attract anybody, you can change and look for some virtue to incorporate in your life. This is a place where many fail and it has to do with changing. Many will pretend to be something they are not just to get into friendships that will later die. You must be true to yourself to look for real change if you want to make good friends.
The art of making friends will call to a realization that nobody is perfect. You will make good friends who will make mistakes. Mistakes help us to learn and move on. Therefore, when faced with problems, know that they are not unique to you. When you have this in mind, it is good for you to be friendly when you spot a potential friend. Many wait to meet friends by default. You have to take a deliberate step when looking for friends. However, it is good for you to take it easy not to force things. You cannot force yourself to be somebody’s friend and you will realize that it will take a mutual agreement before you take the relationship to a deeper level. The art is not complicated at all and there is one guide that will see you maintain the friendship in the manner you are supposed to. You should treat others the way you would want to be treated. When you keep this in mind, you will always make relationships you are proud of.
Making friends is an art and, you will need to learn some of the things that it takes to get the art. The art of making friends unlike what many think is not complicated at all. You will need to look for vital tips that will actually guide you. To make good friends, we need to be guided and, the following are some of the secrets that will see you learn the art and make the friends that you want and deserve. First, before you say you deserve good friends, it is vital to look at what you are like. Your behavior and mannerisms are directly linked to the kind of people you draw in your life to be your friends. In other words, you will make friends who are just like you. The art of making good friends is about looking for good friends because you are worth good friends. There are no two ways about it and, you will see this to be true in your life. There are other factors that come to play while learning the art and they include the following.
The art of making friends will depend on the age you are at. Your gender will also shape the kind of friendships you get into. Above all, your personality is the key to make friends as we have mentioned earlier. If you are the kind of person who is introverted, the way you make friends will actually be different from the way others make friends. There are several things that will guide you on how exactly you can master the art of making friends in your life. After you have considered the kind of person you are, it is time to look at the areas in which you can improve. For example, if you realize that your traits cannot attract anybody, you can change and look for some virtue to incorporate in your life. This is a place where many fail and it has to do with changing. Many will pretend to be something they are not just to get into friendships that will later die. You must be true to yourself to look for real change if you want to make good friends.
The art of making friends will call to a realization that nobody is perfect. You will make good friends who will make mistakes. Mistakes help us to learn and move on. Therefore, when faced with problems, know that they are not unique to you. When you have this in mind, it is good for you to be friendly when you spot a potential friend. Many wait to meet friends by default. You have to take a deliberate step when looking for friends. However, it is good for you to take it easy not to force things. You cannot force yourself to be somebody’s friend and you will realize that it will take a mutual agreement before you take the relationship to a deeper level. The art is not complicated at all and there is one guide that will see you maintain the friendship in the manner you are supposed to. You should treat others the way you would want to be treated. When you keep this in mind, you will always make relationships you are proud of.
Making Friends: What Works and What Doesn’t
November 29, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
John Vespasian asked:
Every few years, investigative reporters uncover scandals of some religious or social movement which, under the pretence of improving the world, serves only to enrich its leaders. This sort of exploitative phenomena are not new. Abundant examples of similar cases can be found in sources from previous centuries.
Why do these abusive situations repeat themselves so frequently? What allows those harmful schemes to attract thousands of victims in different countries and historical periods? The response lies before our eyes: individuals feel alone and want to belong to a closely-knit group, even if that entails paying the highest price.
Men and women wish to be part of a community. We all desire to feel needed and appreciated. In a harsh city environment, a polite sentence or gesture may constitute a shocking act of generosity. Even self-serving, abject flattery can work once in a while in situations that have become so dehumanized that people are starving to hear a few nice words.
Isolation creates psychological vulnerability, which, on many occasions, turns into long-term dependence and subservience. Sociologists have come up with sophisticated theories to explain why people fall prey to heartless manipulators, but do we need a long chain of reasoning when direct observation can provide the answer?
The fundamental cause of such pernicious relationships is a false theory of friendship. It is a fact that, from infancy to retirement, men get together, talk, and cooperate. Although we see friendships begin everyday and fail every hour, in advantageous or disruptive conditions, we seldom take the time to reflect how the process works.
When it comes to making friends, commonplace advice has become integrated in the dominant culture to such an extent that it reigns uncontested. Traditional guidelines have been recycled and rehashed without much regard to veracity or scientific proof. Here are some bromides that are often served as entrée, main course, and dessert:
1. Smile to random strangers.
2. Do not express unpopular ideas.
3. Avoid making controversial statements.
4. Listen to others and never contest their views openly.
5. Do not attract undue attention.
6. Show interest in whatever stories people choose to tell you.
7. Be flexible and avoid making clear-cut statements.
8. Do not antagonize others by bringing up sensitive subjects.
9. Cultivate small talk and avoid criticizing people.
10. Do not embarrass others by pointing out obvious contradictions.
The list could be extended to comprise a hundred commandments. The issue is to determine whether those recommendations lead to friendship or to something else. What are the results of following such advice?
Exhortations to avoid personal conflict may be meant to protect your career, but they possess a fatal weakness. Their effectiveness in hiding your true opinions becomes, at the same time, the poison that prevents you from developing any kind of deep, satisfying, involved personal relation.
Rational people do not choose their friends amongst those who avoid firm commitments, appear self-effacing, and sugar-coat their remarks. Playing down your personal views in order to please strangers will certainly minimize the amount of conflict in your life, but it will also render you invisible to potential friends, that is, those who share your values and convictions.
Being yourself is the first step to build satisfactory relationships. If you choose to dissimulate your interests and beliefs for the sake of conformity, you might be accepted by a certain community, but only as an empty human shell. Is it worth it to give up your personality in order to enter a space where you essentially don’t belong?
From time to time, when a situation so requires, it may be advisable for you to refrain speaking out your mind. Those cases tend to be exceptional in modern society. As a general rule, a man is better off by letting his philosophy inspire his words and gestures so that others can see him the way he is. In practical terms, this is what an open attitude entails:
* Reserve your acts of kindness for people you like.
* Do discuss about ideas, principles, and ethics.
* If you believe that you are objectively right, take a clear position.
* Remain open to examine evidence that contradicts your views.
* When you make a mistake, apologize, and learn for the future.
* Be polite, but if someone tries to force something upon you, just say no.
* By pointing out contradictions to people who are willing to listen, you might prevent a catastrophe from occurring.
* Seek truth and steer clear of insincere people. Liars are the sort of persons that you don’t want to have in your life.
* Choose deep, involved conversations over nonsensical, time-wasting trite.
A realistic theory of friendship begins with a commonality of interests and values. A life filled with empty social engagements is tantamount to an endless nightmare from which you never wake up. Seek out people who appreciate profound discussions and share your rational beliefs.
Offer consistency between form and substance and fly high the flag of your convictions. Be yourself and you will not fail to attract your perfect social match. True friendship is what binds those who share the same road and move forward in the same direction.
JOHN VESPASIAN writes about rational living and is the author of the novel “When Everything Fails, Try This.” He has resided in New York, Madrid, Paris and Munich. His stories reflect the values of entrepreneurship, tolerance and self-reliance. See John Vespasian’s blog about rational living.
http://johnvespasian.blogspot.com/
Every few years, investigative reporters uncover scandals of some religious or social movement which, under the pretence of improving the world, serves only to enrich its leaders. This sort of exploitative phenomena are not new. Abundant examples of similar cases can be found in sources from previous centuries.
Why do these abusive situations repeat themselves so frequently? What allows those harmful schemes to attract thousands of victims in different countries and historical periods? The response lies before our eyes: individuals feel alone and want to belong to a closely-knit group, even if that entails paying the highest price.
Men and women wish to be part of a community. We all desire to feel needed and appreciated. In a harsh city environment, a polite sentence or gesture may constitute a shocking act of generosity. Even self-serving, abject flattery can work once in a while in situations that have become so dehumanized that people are starving to hear a few nice words.
Isolation creates psychological vulnerability, which, on many occasions, turns into long-term dependence and subservience. Sociologists have come up with sophisticated theories to explain why people fall prey to heartless manipulators, but do we need a long chain of reasoning when direct observation can provide the answer?
The fundamental cause of such pernicious relationships is a false theory of friendship. It is a fact that, from infancy to retirement, men get together, talk, and cooperate. Although we see friendships begin everyday and fail every hour, in advantageous or disruptive conditions, we seldom take the time to reflect how the process works.
When it comes to making friends, commonplace advice has become integrated in the dominant culture to such an extent that it reigns uncontested. Traditional guidelines have been recycled and rehashed without much regard to veracity or scientific proof. Here are some bromides that are often served as entrée, main course, and dessert:
1. Smile to random strangers.
2. Do not express unpopular ideas.
3. Avoid making controversial statements.
4. Listen to others and never contest their views openly.
5. Do not attract undue attention.
6. Show interest in whatever stories people choose to tell you.
7. Be flexible and avoid making clear-cut statements.
8. Do not antagonize others by bringing up sensitive subjects.
9. Cultivate small talk and avoid criticizing people.
10. Do not embarrass others by pointing out obvious contradictions.
The list could be extended to comprise a hundred commandments. The issue is to determine whether those recommendations lead to friendship or to something else. What are the results of following such advice?
Exhortations to avoid personal conflict may be meant to protect your career, but they possess a fatal weakness. Their effectiveness in hiding your true opinions becomes, at the same time, the poison that prevents you from developing any kind of deep, satisfying, involved personal relation.
Rational people do not choose their friends amongst those who avoid firm commitments, appear self-effacing, and sugar-coat their remarks. Playing down your personal views in order to please strangers will certainly minimize the amount of conflict in your life, but it will also render you invisible to potential friends, that is, those who share your values and convictions.
Being yourself is the first step to build satisfactory relationships. If you choose to dissimulate your interests and beliefs for the sake of conformity, you might be accepted by a certain community, but only as an empty human shell. Is it worth it to give up your personality in order to enter a space where you essentially don’t belong?
From time to time, when a situation so requires, it may be advisable for you to refrain speaking out your mind. Those cases tend to be exceptional in modern society. As a general rule, a man is better off by letting his philosophy inspire his words and gestures so that others can see him the way he is. In practical terms, this is what an open attitude entails:
* Reserve your acts of kindness for people you like.
* Do discuss about ideas, principles, and ethics.
* If you believe that you are objectively right, take a clear position.
* Remain open to examine evidence that contradicts your views.
* When you make a mistake, apologize, and learn for the future.
* Be polite, but if someone tries to force something upon you, just say no.
* By pointing out contradictions to people who are willing to listen, you might prevent a catastrophe from occurring.
* Seek truth and steer clear of insincere people. Liars are the sort of persons that you don’t want to have in your life.
* Choose deep, involved conversations over nonsensical, time-wasting trite.
A realistic theory of friendship begins with a commonality of interests and values. A life filled with empty social engagements is tantamount to an endless nightmare from which you never wake up. Seek out people who appreciate profound discussions and share your rational beliefs.
Offer consistency between form and substance and fly high the flag of your convictions. Be yourself and you will not fail to attract your perfect social match. True friendship is what binds those who share the same road and move forward in the same direction.
JOHN VESPASIAN writes about rational living and is the author of the novel “When Everything Fails, Try This.” He has resided in New York, Madrid, Paris and Munich. His stories reflect the values of entrepreneurship, tolerance and self-reliance. See John Vespasian’s blog about rational living.
http://johnvespasian.blogspot.com/
Why Should You Make Friends With Co-workers?
Dock Murphy asked:
Cooperation is the key to success in any business and workers who can work together can mean the difference between success or failure. By making friends with co-workers it can ease competition for the affection of the boss and help allay any suspicion that you are going to stab the other folks in the back to further your own career. Being friends does not necessarily mean going out to dinner and having family picnics in the park together, but it does mean that in the workplace, a spirit of cooperation can go a long way to show that you and your friends have the best interests in the company at heart.
There may also be times when you fall behind in your work and with friends in the office, they might be more tempted to help you through a few rough spots than if you treat them as adversaries in the workplace. They will also be more amenable to come to your defense if a project is not done exactly right.
On the flip side, you will have to repay them in kind, by covering for them while they are on vacation or they require assistance on a project in which they are involved. The hard part comes in when the friendship exceeds the boundaries of the office. If for some reason the people develop a dislike for each other while participating in an activity outside the office, it could have detrimental effect on their workplace demeanor.
While friendships between co-workers on the same level in the pecking order are generally acceptable, it is never a good idea to try to be friends with the boss. Others may see this as an attempt to cozy up to the boss and if the supervisor does become friends with an underling, it could prompt accusations of favoritism. Any one who supervises others should never begin a friendship outside of work with a person who reports directly or indirectly to them.
If a friendship develops between to people on the same rung of the corporate ladder, they should keep in mind the possibility of one being promoted to higher position and know the friendship will most likely be in trouble as a result. It can really cause a friendship to become strained if one is appointed as the other’s supervisor on a temporary basis, as there may be attempts to use the friendship to receive special considerations. Whenever one is promoted over the other, regardless of what they say, there will probably be hard feelings directed at the one with the new position.
Romantic friendships in an office rarely work out, and when they break up it can lead to uncomfortable consequences for them as well as for their co-workers. Friendships can work out in the office, provided they are maintained on a professional level.
Cooperation is the key to success in any business and workers who can work together can mean the difference between success or failure. By making friends with co-workers it can ease competition for the affection of the boss and help allay any suspicion that you are going to stab the other folks in the back to further your own career. Being friends does not necessarily mean going out to dinner and having family picnics in the park together, but it does mean that in the workplace, a spirit of cooperation can go a long way to show that you and your friends have the best interests in the company at heart.
There may also be times when you fall behind in your work and with friends in the office, they might be more tempted to help you through a few rough spots than if you treat them as adversaries in the workplace. They will also be more amenable to come to your defense if a project is not done exactly right.
On the flip side, you will have to repay them in kind, by covering for them while they are on vacation or they require assistance on a project in which they are involved. The hard part comes in when the friendship exceeds the boundaries of the office. If for some reason the people develop a dislike for each other while participating in an activity outside the office, it could have detrimental effect on their workplace demeanor.
While friendships between co-workers on the same level in the pecking order are generally acceptable, it is never a good idea to try to be friends with the boss. Others may see this as an attempt to cozy up to the boss and if the supervisor does become friends with an underling, it could prompt accusations of favoritism. Any one who supervises others should never begin a friendship outside of work with a person who reports directly or indirectly to them.
If a friendship develops between to people on the same rung of the corporate ladder, they should keep in mind the possibility of one being promoted to higher position and know the friendship will most likely be in trouble as a result. It can really cause a friendship to become strained if one is appointed as the other’s supervisor on a temporary basis, as there may be attempts to use the friendship to receive special considerations. Whenever one is promoted over the other, regardless of what they say, there will probably be hard feelings directed at the one with the new position.
Romantic friendships in an office rarely work out, and when they break up it can lead to uncomfortable consequences for them as well as for their co-workers. Friendships can work out in the office, provided they are maintained on a professional level.
Are You Looking to Make New Friends? Chummychums Can Make the Process of Making Friends Easier
Vikram kuamr asked:
It is quite often that many people find themselves losing touch with friends as their lives go in different directions. Whether you have moved to a new city or have simply drifted apart from childhood friends, many people have found themselves in need of new friendships. However, it is not that easy to make new friends.
When it comes to making friends, one cannot just walk down the street and introduce yourself to someone you deem to have lots in common to you. It’s not that easy. You can make friends at work or at school but it is ideal to meet people that have interests similar to yours. In turn, you will have a better relationship as you can do the things you mutually like together.
It is ideal to meet people that are a reflection of your own personality. For example, if you are someone who likes to stay in and watch movies, it is not ideal to look for a friend who frequents the nightlife and goes out every other day of the week. If you are a girly girl and likes to go to spas and get manis and pedis, it is better for you to search for someone who likes to do the same.
With the help of technology, it is now a lot easier to make new friends then it was 10 years ago. With all the new social networking sites that are currently available on the internet, making friends has become a lot less difficult.
However, you may want to find a site where all other members are also looking for friendship. It is not ideal to go to a dating site or a regular social network and begin requesting friendship from its members. You want to find a site that is catered specifically for people looking to make new friends.
It is now easy for women in particular to find friendship with other women online. At a website called Chummychums, women can now create profiles detailing all aspects of their personality, upload photos and begin their journey of making friends. They can browse profiles of women in their local area and filter friends out according to their interests. Women have the capability of showing their musical preferences, showing how frequently they enjoy the nightlife, whether or not they have children, and much more.
Here you will find other members looking for new buddies, just as you are. This is very important. Chummychums is also a platform for women to be able to interact and express themselves. Women can participate in forums and discuss issues that are important to them. They can also blog about themselves or any other topic they feel strongly about.
Chummychums provides all the means necessary to make new friends. Girl friends can contact each other via email messages, via chat rooms and even instant messenger. We all recognize that we need friends to share special moments in our lives with. On Chummychums, you will not have a difficult time making friends.
It is quite often that many people find themselves losing touch with friends as their lives go in different directions. Whether you have moved to a new city or have simply drifted apart from childhood friends, many people have found themselves in need of new friendships. However, it is not that easy to make new friends.
When it comes to making friends, one cannot just walk down the street and introduce yourself to someone you deem to have lots in common to you. It’s not that easy. You can make friends at work or at school but it is ideal to meet people that have interests similar to yours. In turn, you will have a better relationship as you can do the things you mutually like together.
It is ideal to meet people that are a reflection of your own personality. For example, if you are someone who likes to stay in and watch movies, it is not ideal to look for a friend who frequents the nightlife and goes out every other day of the week. If you are a girly girl and likes to go to spas and get manis and pedis, it is better for you to search for someone who likes to do the same.
With the help of technology, it is now a lot easier to make new friends then it was 10 years ago. With all the new social networking sites that are currently available on the internet, making friends has become a lot less difficult.
However, you may want to find a site where all other members are also looking for friendship. It is not ideal to go to a dating site or a regular social network and begin requesting friendship from its members. You want to find a site that is catered specifically for people looking to make new friends.
It is now easy for women in particular to find friendship with other women online. At a website called Chummychums, women can now create profiles detailing all aspects of their personality, upload photos and begin their journey of making friends. They can browse profiles of women in their local area and filter friends out according to their interests. Women have the capability of showing their musical preferences, showing how frequently they enjoy the nightlife, whether or not they have children, and much more.
Here you will find other members looking for new buddies, just as you are. This is very important. Chummychums is also a platform for women to be able to interact and express themselves. Women can participate in forums and discuss issues that are important to them. They can also blog about themselves or any other topic they feel strongly about.
Chummychums provides all the means necessary to make new friends. Girl friends can contact each other via email messages, via chat rooms and even instant messenger. We all recognize that we need friends to share special moments in our lives with. On Chummychums, you will not have a difficult time making friends.
Dating to Make Friends: An Alternative View
Jane Saeman asked:
Friends are not easy to find once you into a working environment. If you have childhood friends around that’s great, but many people move far away from where they grew up, and contact with those they used to confide in becomes increasingly difficult. Finding the time to meet new people, and then spend enough time to get to a level where you trust them enough to confide in isn’t easy, especially if you’re also looking for a partner and using your free time to date.
If you are someone who feels more comfortable with the opposite sex, then dating is a great way of making friends. There are very few people who date only one person and then commit to them for the rest of their lives. The usual scenario is that you date a number of people who have quite a lot of things in common with you, until you find the one that you really connect with on a deeper level. The fact that you have been on a personal, if not intimate, level with the people you date puts you in a good position to transition these once potential dates into friendships.
There’s a problem with this in that any future people you, or your ex date, go out with may not like the relationship and try to break it. This makes the friendship a little precarious, but as time passes, the bond of friendship and trust becomes one that both of you will be reluctant to break — both of you appreciating what you get from the platonic relationship — and so it becomes more secure. Even so, if you, or your friend, find a partner that they intend to make a permanent fixture in their lives your friendship together may have to be severed in order for that to happen.
Even if you’re not really interested in having a deeper relationship with someone, there’s nothing to stop you going out on casual dates. There are plenty of other people out there who enjoy having one-on-one time with another person without it having to lead to a “serious relationship”. You may get a reputation for being a habitual dater, but that’s just a label that someone who dates looking for a partner puts on it. There’s nothing wrong in using the dating scene as a social meeting arena! Make your intentions known up front and you’ll get to meet a number of people who have similar interests to your own, but aren’t going to expect anything other than friendship in return for the time spent together.
If a serious relationship isn’t what you’re looking for, but you would like to find a few more friends, trying some casual dating and you’ll meet some interesting people. You aren’t guaranteed to build a true friendship with any or all of them, but at the very least, you’ll have a good time exploring the possibility!
Friends are not easy to find once you into a working environment. If you have childhood friends around that’s great, but many people move far away from where they grew up, and contact with those they used to confide in becomes increasingly difficult. Finding the time to meet new people, and then spend enough time to get to a level where you trust them enough to confide in isn’t easy, especially if you’re also looking for a partner and using your free time to date.
If you are someone who feels more comfortable with the opposite sex, then dating is a great way of making friends. There are very few people who date only one person and then commit to them for the rest of their lives. The usual scenario is that you date a number of people who have quite a lot of things in common with you, until you find the one that you really connect with on a deeper level. The fact that you have been on a personal, if not intimate, level with the people you date puts you in a good position to transition these once potential dates into friendships.
There’s a problem with this in that any future people you, or your ex date, go out with may not like the relationship and try to break it. This makes the friendship a little precarious, but as time passes, the bond of friendship and trust becomes one that both of you will be reluctant to break — both of you appreciating what you get from the platonic relationship — and so it becomes more secure. Even so, if you, or your friend, find a partner that they intend to make a permanent fixture in their lives your friendship together may have to be severed in order for that to happen.
Even if you’re not really interested in having a deeper relationship with someone, there’s nothing to stop you going out on casual dates. There are plenty of other people out there who enjoy having one-on-one time with another person without it having to lead to a “serious relationship”. You may get a reputation for being a habitual dater, but that’s just a label that someone who dates looking for a partner puts on it. There’s nothing wrong in using the dating scene as a social meeting arena! Make your intentions known up front and you’ll get to meet a number of people who have similar interests to your own, but aren’t going to expect anything other than friendship in return for the time spent together.
If a serious relationship isn’t what you’re looking for, but you would like to find a few more friends, trying some casual dating and you’ll meet some interesting people. You aren’t guaranteed to build a true friendship with any or all of them, but at the very least, you’ll have a good time exploring the possibility!
How to Make Friends Even if You’re Old
September 16, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
Jane Falter asked:
When I was considering my recent move to Asheville, my mind quickly went to the wonderful friends I would be leaving in Pennsylvania. My heart sank—boy, I sure would miss them. But then I realized if I hadn’t taken the chance to relocate with my company and move to that area, I wouldn’t have met them in the first place. It was fascinating to think about all the changes through the years that lead to meeting the wonderful people that are now so important to me.
Last May, I facilitated a session for singles at the last Creative Retirement Exploratory Weekend sponsored by the Center for Creative Retirement here in Asheville. I was surprised by the number of people who shared their biggest concern about moving was making new friends. One participant repeated a saying my mother told me years ago, “It’s hard to make friends when you’re old.” Even worse, I confess I’ve even said it myself.
Now I realize that is a limiting belief. If you do not believe something is possible, you will not attempt it or devote much energy to achieving it. More often than not, you believe a limiting belief as true because you’ve learned it from someone else you respect, a cultural “norm,” or from an “authority” such as a book or the media (we all know how influential they can be).
How did this piece of conventional wisdom evolve? My friend Marie, is 81 and continues to make friends—everyone seems to know (and love) her. Alice, age 90, recently moved here to be near her daughter, plays bridge twice a week with her new friends in her independent living community.
If you’re a Baby Boomer and worried about making friends (whether you are relocating or not), here are five tips for you:
Friendships blossom with a common bond. Certainly work is a natural breeding ground for friendships since so much time is spent there. Find something you enjoy and you will meet people you have something in common with—maybe it’s the church you attend, volunteering for a cause you believe in, or attending a life-long learning class.
Join smaller groups. A lot of people would describe me as out-going and friendly, but I dread large events where you do a lot of small talk. In the new large church I recently joined when I moved, I decided their Wednesday suppers wasn’t for me. Instead I participate in their dinner group program where four couples serve meals at their homes with a more intimate conversation (they had to flex their rule to accommodate me as a single). Don’t expect to get to know people at a large meeting–sign up for a committee where you get to work with 8-10 people.
Make the first step. If you meet someone you’d like to know better, ask them a question or extend a compliment to them. Many times when entering a seminar or a meeting, I will sit down near a person who is sitting by themselves and is likely to be open to starting a conversation with me. Take a chance and invite them to coffee, lunch or a related activity.
Keep connected. Although I have moved several times in my life, I make time to keep in touch with the special friends I’ve met through the years. We connect by phone, email, even text (I am such a modern woman) and we make time to visit with each other periodically.
Your heart expands as it needs to. Remember telling your older child that the new baby doesn’t replace him/her—that your heart has enough room for both? The same works for friends. As I write this, the girl scout song I learned in childhood,“Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and other’s gold” is playing in my head.
If you’re like me, you realize that some of your silver friends have gradually turned gold. Treasure them all.
“We need old friends to help us grow old and new friends to help us stay young.”
Letty Cottin Pogrebin
When I was considering my recent move to Asheville, my mind quickly went to the wonderful friends I would be leaving in Pennsylvania. My heart sank—boy, I sure would miss them. But then I realized if I hadn’t taken the chance to relocate with my company and move to that area, I wouldn’t have met them in the first place. It was fascinating to think about all the changes through the years that lead to meeting the wonderful people that are now so important to me.
Last May, I facilitated a session for singles at the last Creative Retirement Exploratory Weekend sponsored by the Center for Creative Retirement here in Asheville. I was surprised by the number of people who shared their biggest concern about moving was making new friends. One participant repeated a saying my mother told me years ago, “It’s hard to make friends when you’re old.” Even worse, I confess I’ve even said it myself.
Now I realize that is a limiting belief. If you do not believe something is possible, you will not attempt it or devote much energy to achieving it. More often than not, you believe a limiting belief as true because you’ve learned it from someone else you respect, a cultural “norm,” or from an “authority” such as a book or the media (we all know how influential they can be).
How did this piece of conventional wisdom evolve? My friend Marie, is 81 and continues to make friends—everyone seems to know (and love) her. Alice, age 90, recently moved here to be near her daughter, plays bridge twice a week with her new friends in her independent living community.
If you’re a Baby Boomer and worried about making friends (whether you are relocating or not), here are five tips for you:
Friendships blossom with a common bond. Certainly work is a natural breeding ground for friendships since so much time is spent there. Find something you enjoy and you will meet people you have something in common with—maybe it’s the church you attend, volunteering for a cause you believe in, or attending a life-long learning class.
Join smaller groups. A lot of people would describe me as out-going and friendly, but I dread large events where you do a lot of small talk. In the new large church I recently joined when I moved, I decided their Wednesday suppers wasn’t for me. Instead I participate in their dinner group program where four couples serve meals at their homes with a more intimate conversation (they had to flex their rule to accommodate me as a single). Don’t expect to get to know people at a large meeting–sign up for a committee where you get to work with 8-10 people.
Make the first step. If you meet someone you’d like to know better, ask them a question or extend a compliment to them. Many times when entering a seminar or a meeting, I will sit down near a person who is sitting by themselves and is likely to be open to starting a conversation with me. Take a chance and invite them to coffee, lunch or a related activity.
Keep connected. Although I have moved several times in my life, I make time to keep in touch with the special friends I’ve met through the years. We connect by phone, email, even text (I am such a modern woman) and we make time to visit with each other periodically.
Your heart expands as it needs to. Remember telling your older child that the new baby doesn’t replace him/her—that your heart has enough room for both? The same works for friends. As I write this, the girl scout song I learned in childhood,“Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and other’s gold” is playing in my head.
If you’re like me, you realize that some of your silver friends have gradually turned gold. Treasure them all.
“We need old friends to help us grow old and new friends to help us stay young.”
Letty Cottin Pogrebin
Making Friends
carol stanley asked:
Making Friends
Friends are so important, especially as we age. Our good friends are like chosen family. They often treat us better than some of our family members. There are many kinds of friendships as well as many reasons why we select certain people to be our friend. Sometimes it is as simple as living close to each other. Sometimes it is about having a common interest or need. Sometimes we just like each other and have absolutely nothing in common.
We meet these friends at a variety of places. When we have young children it is really easy to find friends. Our kids almost bring them home to us. As we get older and perhaps no longer working or doing a lot of volunteer work, it becomes far more difficult to meet and make these friends.
Aging also brings on other issues. Sometimes people are bombarded with financial and medical problems that keep them from being social. Some people seem to be happy to keep the friends they have and not make new ones. When you are older and want to make some new friends you have to put yourself and sometimes get out of your comfort zone. You have to be the inviter often and gently push your way in to a group that is already settled.
When moving to a new place and looking to make some new acquaintances and connections there are things you can do. It does take some work and effort. Here is the list:
1. Join a church
2. check for activity centers
3. Join a gym
4. Join the chamber of commerce
5. Go on line to find the activities available in your area
6. Find clubs or groups that share your interests
7. Volunteer
8. Be friendly and interested in others
Very often people are caught up in their own lives and activities, so you have to have a lot of patience. The most difficult thing is to find friends who you personally can connect with. Very often they just come out of the blue.
When living in Florida I had a part time job doing “Welcome Home Services. I delivered information about the area to new families having just moved there. I was delivering my information to a very nice lady, and I was just getting up to leave, and she mentioned a book she had read. I had read it and loved it…We became lifelong friends. Never dishearten as there are many people out there who would love a wonderful friend like you.
Making Friends
Friends are so important, especially as we age. Our good friends are like chosen family. They often treat us better than some of our family members. There are many kinds of friendships as well as many reasons why we select certain people to be our friend. Sometimes it is as simple as living close to each other. Sometimes it is about having a common interest or need. Sometimes we just like each other and have absolutely nothing in common.
We meet these friends at a variety of places. When we have young children it is really easy to find friends. Our kids almost bring them home to us. As we get older and perhaps no longer working or doing a lot of volunteer work, it becomes far more difficult to meet and make these friends.
Aging also brings on other issues. Sometimes people are bombarded with financial and medical problems that keep them from being social. Some people seem to be happy to keep the friends they have and not make new ones. When you are older and want to make some new friends you have to put yourself and sometimes get out of your comfort zone. You have to be the inviter often and gently push your way in to a group that is already settled.
When moving to a new place and looking to make some new acquaintances and connections there are things you can do. It does take some work and effort. Here is the list:
1. Join a church
2. check for activity centers
3. Join a gym
4. Join the chamber of commerce
5. Go on line to find the activities available in your area
6. Find clubs or groups that share your interests
7. Volunteer
8. Be friendly and interested in others
Very often people are caught up in their own lives and activities, so you have to have a lot of patience. The most difficult thing is to find friends who you personally can connect with. Very often they just come out of the blue.
When living in Florida I had a part time job doing “Welcome Home Services. I delivered information about the area to new families having just moved there. I was delivering my information to a very nice lady, and I was just getting up to leave, and she mentioned a book she had read. I had read it and loved it…We became lifelong friends. Never dishearten as there are many people out there who would love a wonderful friend like you.
Help Your Kids Make Friends at High School
July 23, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
Frank McGinty asked:
As the new school term gets under way, many children entering high school worry about making new friends. Without being in their face, there’s a lot parents can do to help them with this major change in their lives.
Step 1: It may seem obvious, but ENCOURAGE your kids to make friends. Help them see it as a new adventure, something enjoyable and exciting. This will help reduce any fear and anxiety. The more positive and outgoing they are, the better chance they’ll have of meeting and attracting new friends.
Step 2: One of the best ways to make new friends in high school is to get involved in clubs and activities. Whether we care to admit it or not, we base our friendships on what we get from others! People who share our interests become our friends; people who have radically different preferences and temperaments don’t become our friends! So when your kids join clubs that suit their interests, they will meet like-minded people. And by doing things together they will forge new bonds.
Step 3: Encourage your kids to invite their new friends home, perhaps even staying for a sleepover once the friendship is established. This is a great way of helping your kids develop their social skills. It ensures they are in a safe environment, plus it helps you to monitor the friendships!
Step 4: However, try to avoid the common parental trait of being too fussy! Often the type of people WE want as friends for our kids are not the ones they would choose. Be tolerant and less critical. If you become aware of unacceptable attitudes or behavior, that’s different. By all means let’s HELP our kids by pointing out anything that violates our standards, but hang back if you simply dislike the way someone talks or what they wear or their taste in music! You never know, you may gather valuable insight into what really makes your own kids tick. And remember – it takes all sorts to make the world go round!
Step 5: Impress upon your kids that not all friendships last and the teenage years are a time of exploration. Kids tend to develop new interests as the school years progress, and often this leads to the break-up of old friendships and the forging of new ones. It can be upsetting, but it’s a fact of life! Explaining this sympathetically can help your kids be brave and stoical. You can also remind your child that he or she may have dropped an old friend in favor of a new one, and that person may be unhappy as a result.
And finally:
* Comfort your kids when they feel let down by friends. Keep encouraging them to participate in more activities and this will help them find more friends.
* When your kids visit their friends’ homes, especially if they are sleeping over, make sure you have contact information and know exactly where they are.
As the new school term gets under way, many children entering high school worry about making new friends. Without being in their face, there’s a lot parents can do to help them with this major change in their lives.
Step 1: It may seem obvious, but ENCOURAGE your kids to make friends. Help them see it as a new adventure, something enjoyable and exciting. This will help reduce any fear and anxiety. The more positive and outgoing they are, the better chance they’ll have of meeting and attracting new friends.
Step 2: One of the best ways to make new friends in high school is to get involved in clubs and activities. Whether we care to admit it or not, we base our friendships on what we get from others! People who share our interests become our friends; people who have radically different preferences and temperaments don’t become our friends! So when your kids join clubs that suit their interests, they will meet like-minded people. And by doing things together they will forge new bonds.
Step 3: Encourage your kids to invite their new friends home, perhaps even staying for a sleepover once the friendship is established. This is a great way of helping your kids develop their social skills. It ensures they are in a safe environment, plus it helps you to monitor the friendships!
Step 4: However, try to avoid the common parental trait of being too fussy! Often the type of people WE want as friends for our kids are not the ones they would choose. Be tolerant and less critical. If you become aware of unacceptable attitudes or behavior, that’s different. By all means let’s HELP our kids by pointing out anything that violates our standards, but hang back if you simply dislike the way someone talks or what they wear or their taste in music! You never know, you may gather valuable insight into what really makes your own kids tick. And remember – it takes all sorts to make the world go round!
Step 5: Impress upon your kids that not all friendships last and the teenage years are a time of exploration. Kids tend to develop new interests as the school years progress, and often this leads to the break-up of old friendships and the forging of new ones. It can be upsetting, but it’s a fact of life! Explaining this sympathetically can help your kids be brave and stoical. You can also remind your child that he or she may have dropped an old friend in favor of a new one, and that person may be unhappy as a result.
And finally:
* Comfort your kids when they feel let down by friends. Keep encouraging them to participate in more activities and this will help them find more friends.
* When your kids visit their friends’ homes, especially if they are sleeping over, make sure you have contact information and know exactly where they are.
Make Friends Online Free with Friendship Site
Ray Shane asked:
Unlike most animals, human beings are social creatures and human beings cannot think of a life without friends. We all want some change and variety in our lives which can only be brought about by friends. Those who love to socialise a lot, do not feel complete unless they are hanging out with lots of friends and buddies. And then there are some who are more discerning in their tastes and like to be surrounded by a few very close friends.
But not many people know how to make friends or develop lasting and enduring friendships. In today’s cut throat busy world most people are busy with their demanding jobs. They hardly get the time to meet up or hang out with friends, the phone calls become fewer and far between and then comes a time when you just drift apart for no reason at all, or due to lack of time.
Another reason, why many people are friendless or feel lonely is because they are painfully shy, are scared of socialising with other people and become quite tongue tied when they have to meet new people. These are the people for whom all these friendship site/sites, making friends online sites, make friends online free sites have mushroomed on the internet.
If you do a search in the internet, you will find countless internet dating sites, speed dating sites, romantic dating sites and friendship website where you can sign up either for free or against a nominal charge. Then you have to create your profile. Take care to write out a brief but very interesting and creative and peppy description of yourself and make sure to add loads of humour.
A bit of sparkling witticism and humour will always make your profile more interesting than that of others and if you can portray yourself as a well rounded personality with diverse tastes and interests, then your chances of getting a good number of friends will become higher.
Another way of spicing up your profile is to add a number of attractive photographs of yours which should include both head shot photos as well as full bodied photographs. This will increase your chances of finding more friends. And of course you must write out your interests and preferences and hobbies in details. The golden rule is to avoid being boring.
When you receive friend requests, which will, start pouring in by the dozens very soon, you must accept them and in less than 2 weeks you shall have over a hundred friends on your friend list. You can regularly keep in touch with them through scraps or comments or scribbles on your scrapbook or you can send messages to each other.
Unlike most animals, human beings are social creatures and human beings cannot think of a life without friends. We all want some change and variety in our lives which can only be brought about by friends. Those who love to socialise a lot, do not feel complete unless they are hanging out with lots of friends and buddies. And then there are some who are more discerning in their tastes and like to be surrounded by a few very close friends.
But not many people know how to make friends or develop lasting and enduring friendships. In today’s cut throat busy world most people are busy with their demanding jobs. They hardly get the time to meet up or hang out with friends, the phone calls become fewer and far between and then comes a time when you just drift apart for no reason at all, or due to lack of time.
Another reason, why many people are friendless or feel lonely is because they are painfully shy, are scared of socialising with other people and become quite tongue tied when they have to meet new people. These are the people for whom all these friendship site/sites, making friends online sites, make friends online free sites have mushroomed on the internet.
If you do a search in the internet, you will find countless internet dating sites, speed dating sites, romantic dating sites and friendship website where you can sign up either for free or against a nominal charge. Then you have to create your profile. Take care to write out a brief but very interesting and creative and peppy description of yourself and make sure to add loads of humour.
A bit of sparkling witticism and humour will always make your profile more interesting than that of others and if you can portray yourself as a well rounded personality with diverse tastes and interests, then your chances of getting a good number of friends will become higher.
Another way of spicing up your profile is to add a number of attractive photographs of yours which should include both head shot photos as well as full bodied photographs. This will increase your chances of finding more friends. And of course you must write out your interests and preferences and hobbies in details. The golden rule is to avoid being boring.
When you receive friend requests, which will, start pouring in by the dozens very soon, you must accept them and in less than 2 weeks you shall have over a hundred friends on your friend list. You can regularly keep in touch with them through scraps or comments or scribbles on your scrapbook or you can send messages to each other.
