Dating to Make Friends: An Alternative View
Jane Saeman asked:
Friends are not easy to find once you into a working environment. If you have childhood friends around that’s great, but many people move far away from where they grew up, and contact with those they used to confide in becomes increasingly difficult. Finding the time to meet new people, and then spend enough time to get to a level where you trust them enough to confide in isn’t easy, especially if you’re also looking for a partner and using your free time to date.
If you are someone who feels more comfortable with the opposite sex, then dating is a great way of making friends. There are very few people who date only one person and then commit to them for the rest of their lives. The usual scenario is that you date a number of people who have quite a lot of things in common with you, until you find the one that you really connect with on a deeper level. The fact that you have been on a personal, if not intimate, level with the people you date puts you in a good position to transition these once potential dates into friendships.
There’s a problem with this in that any future people you, or your ex date, go out with may not like the relationship and try to break it. This makes the friendship a little precarious, but as time passes, the bond of friendship and trust becomes one that both of you will be reluctant to break — both of you appreciating what you get from the platonic relationship — and so it becomes more secure. Even so, if you, or your friend, find a partner that they intend to make a permanent fixture in their lives your friendship together may have to be severed in order for that to happen.
Even if you’re not really interested in having a deeper relationship with someone, there’s nothing to stop you going out on casual dates. There are plenty of other people out there who enjoy having one-on-one time with another person without it having to lead to a “serious relationship”. You may get a reputation for being a habitual dater, but that’s just a label that someone who dates looking for a partner puts on it. There’s nothing wrong in using the dating scene as a social meeting arena! Make your intentions known up front and you’ll get to meet a number of people who have similar interests to your own, but aren’t going to expect anything other than friendship in return for the time spent together.
If a serious relationship isn’t what you’re looking for, but you would like to find a few more friends, trying some casual dating and you’ll meet some interesting people. You aren’t guaranteed to build a true friendship with any or all of them, but at the very least, you’ll have a good time exploring the possibility!
Friends are not easy to find once you into a working environment. If you have childhood friends around that’s great, but many people move far away from where they grew up, and contact with those they used to confide in becomes increasingly difficult. Finding the time to meet new people, and then spend enough time to get to a level where you trust them enough to confide in isn’t easy, especially if you’re also looking for a partner and using your free time to date.
If you are someone who feels more comfortable with the opposite sex, then dating is a great way of making friends. There are very few people who date only one person and then commit to them for the rest of their lives. The usual scenario is that you date a number of people who have quite a lot of things in common with you, until you find the one that you really connect with on a deeper level. The fact that you have been on a personal, if not intimate, level with the people you date puts you in a good position to transition these once potential dates into friendships.
There’s a problem with this in that any future people you, or your ex date, go out with may not like the relationship and try to break it. This makes the friendship a little precarious, but as time passes, the bond of friendship and trust becomes one that both of you will be reluctant to break — both of you appreciating what you get from the platonic relationship — and so it becomes more secure. Even so, if you, or your friend, find a partner that they intend to make a permanent fixture in their lives your friendship together may have to be severed in order for that to happen.
Even if you’re not really interested in having a deeper relationship with someone, there’s nothing to stop you going out on casual dates. There are plenty of other people out there who enjoy having one-on-one time with another person without it having to lead to a “serious relationship”. You may get a reputation for being a habitual dater, but that’s just a label that someone who dates looking for a partner puts on it. There’s nothing wrong in using the dating scene as a social meeting arena! Make your intentions known up front and you’ll get to meet a number of people who have similar interests to your own, but aren’t going to expect anything other than friendship in return for the time spent together.
If a serious relationship isn’t what you’re looking for, but you would like to find a few more friends, trying some casual dating and you’ll meet some interesting people. You aren’t guaranteed to build a true friendship with any or all of them, but at the very least, you’ll have a good time exploring the possibility!
How to Make Friends Even if You’re Old
September 16, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
Jane Falter asked:
When I was considering my recent move to Asheville, my mind quickly went to the wonderful friends I would be leaving in Pennsylvania. My heart sank—boy, I sure would miss them. But then I realized if I hadn’t taken the chance to relocate with my company and move to that area, I wouldn’t have met them in the first place. It was fascinating to think about all the changes through the years that lead to meeting the wonderful people that are now so important to me.
Last May, I facilitated a session for singles at the last Creative Retirement Exploratory Weekend sponsored by the Center for Creative Retirement here in Asheville. I was surprised by the number of people who shared their biggest concern about moving was making new friends. One participant repeated a saying my mother told me years ago, “It’s hard to make friends when you’re old.” Even worse, I confess I’ve even said it myself.
Now I realize that is a limiting belief. If you do not believe something is possible, you will not attempt it or devote much energy to achieving it. More often than not, you believe a limiting belief as true because you’ve learned it from someone else you respect, a cultural “norm,” or from an “authority” such as a book or the media (we all know how influential they can be).
How did this piece of conventional wisdom evolve? My friend Marie, is 81 and continues to make friends—everyone seems to know (and love) her. Alice, age 90, recently moved here to be near her daughter, plays bridge twice a week with her new friends in her independent living community.
If you’re a Baby Boomer and worried about making friends (whether you are relocating or not), here are five tips for you:
Friendships blossom with a common bond. Certainly work is a natural breeding ground for friendships since so much time is spent there. Find something you enjoy and you will meet people you have something in common with—maybe it’s the church you attend, volunteering for a cause you believe in, or attending a life-long learning class.
Join smaller groups. A lot of people would describe me as out-going and friendly, but I dread large events where you do a lot of small talk. In the new large church I recently joined when I moved, I decided their Wednesday suppers wasn’t for me. Instead I participate in their dinner group program where four couples serve meals at their homes with a more intimate conversation (they had to flex their rule to accommodate me as a single). Don’t expect to get to know people at a large meeting–sign up for a committee where you get to work with 8-10 people.
Make the first step. If you meet someone you’d like to know better, ask them a question or extend a compliment to them. Many times when entering a seminar or a meeting, I will sit down near a person who is sitting by themselves and is likely to be open to starting a conversation with me. Take a chance and invite them to coffee, lunch or a related activity.
Keep connected. Although I have moved several times in my life, I make time to keep in touch with the special friends I’ve met through the years. We connect by phone, email, even text (I am such a modern woman) and we make time to visit with each other periodically.
Your heart expands as it needs to. Remember telling your older child that the new baby doesn’t replace him/her—that your heart has enough room for both? The same works for friends. As I write this, the girl scout song I learned in childhood,“Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and other’s gold” is playing in my head.
If you’re like me, you realize that some of your silver friends have gradually turned gold. Treasure them all.
“We need old friends to help us grow old and new friends to help us stay young.”
Letty Cottin Pogrebin
When I was considering my recent move to Asheville, my mind quickly went to the wonderful friends I would be leaving in Pennsylvania. My heart sank—boy, I sure would miss them. But then I realized if I hadn’t taken the chance to relocate with my company and move to that area, I wouldn’t have met them in the first place. It was fascinating to think about all the changes through the years that lead to meeting the wonderful people that are now so important to me.
Last May, I facilitated a session for singles at the last Creative Retirement Exploratory Weekend sponsored by the Center for Creative Retirement here in Asheville. I was surprised by the number of people who shared their biggest concern about moving was making new friends. One participant repeated a saying my mother told me years ago, “It’s hard to make friends when you’re old.” Even worse, I confess I’ve even said it myself.
Now I realize that is a limiting belief. If you do not believe something is possible, you will not attempt it or devote much energy to achieving it. More often than not, you believe a limiting belief as true because you’ve learned it from someone else you respect, a cultural “norm,” or from an “authority” such as a book or the media (we all know how influential they can be).
How did this piece of conventional wisdom evolve? My friend Marie, is 81 and continues to make friends—everyone seems to know (and love) her. Alice, age 90, recently moved here to be near her daughter, plays bridge twice a week with her new friends in her independent living community.
If you’re a Baby Boomer and worried about making friends (whether you are relocating or not), here are five tips for you:
Friendships blossom with a common bond. Certainly work is a natural breeding ground for friendships since so much time is spent there. Find something you enjoy and you will meet people you have something in common with—maybe it’s the church you attend, volunteering for a cause you believe in, or attending a life-long learning class.
Join smaller groups. A lot of people would describe me as out-going and friendly, but I dread large events where you do a lot of small talk. In the new large church I recently joined when I moved, I decided their Wednesday suppers wasn’t for me. Instead I participate in their dinner group program where four couples serve meals at their homes with a more intimate conversation (they had to flex their rule to accommodate me as a single). Don’t expect to get to know people at a large meeting–sign up for a committee where you get to work with 8-10 people.
Make the first step. If you meet someone you’d like to know better, ask them a question or extend a compliment to them. Many times when entering a seminar or a meeting, I will sit down near a person who is sitting by themselves and is likely to be open to starting a conversation with me. Take a chance and invite them to coffee, lunch or a related activity.
Keep connected. Although I have moved several times in my life, I make time to keep in touch with the special friends I’ve met through the years. We connect by phone, email, even text (I am such a modern woman) and we make time to visit with each other periodically.
Your heart expands as it needs to. Remember telling your older child that the new baby doesn’t replace him/her—that your heart has enough room for both? The same works for friends. As I write this, the girl scout song I learned in childhood,“Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and other’s gold” is playing in my head.
If you’re like me, you realize that some of your silver friends have gradually turned gold. Treasure them all.
“We need old friends to help us grow old and new friends to help us stay young.”
Letty Cottin Pogrebin
How to Make Friends With Your Loyal Customers
July 29, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
Kaitlyn Miller asked:
You can’t make friends without talking to people. Even in today’s computer age, where people make “friends” online, they still interact in some way. As a businessperson, it is important for you to “make friends” with your most loyal customers. Doing so will not only benefit you through increased sales and positive word of mouth, but will also make your customers happier to be a part of your growth. That, in turn, will lead to more loyal customers and, of course, more profits. But the only way to enter into this type of relationship with your loyal customers is to talk to them.
Ask for feedback
You want to get as much feedback from your customers as possible, both positive and negative. On your product packages, ask for feedback and provide contact information so customers can reach you. When you design your next business card printing, include more than just your phone number and email address: explicitly ask the recipients to get in touch with you and tell you about their experiences with your company.
Make it clear that you are asking for all types of feedback, even if it’s not good. Customers who can give you examples of shortfalls in your business are the most valuable of all. You can’t fix something if you don’t know it’s broken.
Use the feedback in your advertising
The feedback you receive from customers is only valuable if you use it. Fix the things that customers have complained about, and emphasize the things that they like. When you do a flyer printing, use it to put your company’s greatest strengths on display. Even better, put customer testimonials on them. You will probably have plenty of loyal customers who would be more than happy to let you use their positive reflections in an ad or flyer. Customer testimonials can be tremendously effective.
Keep your loyal customers engaged
Once you have used customer feedback to alter your marketing strategies, don’t stop there. Keep interacting with these customers; keep “making friends” with them. Send them postcards asking for more feedback. A good idea is to offer your loyal customers special offers or bonuses, simply for being loyal customers. This can do a great amount of good, as it gives those customers a sense of privilege and honor. They may end up spreading the word about your company through personal experiences, which is the most valuable advertisement of all.
Invite your friends to a party
At some point, you may want to invite your loyal customers to a gathering with you and the leaders of your company. This can be a good way to let them know how important they are to you, and to reward them with an exclusive chance to interact with the decision makers in the company. It can also increase sales, as these customers are very likely to buy more of your product before, during, and after the meeting.
As a business, the best friends you can make are your customers. Never forget that they are the ones who will make or break your company.
You can’t make friends without talking to people. Even in today’s computer age, where people make “friends” online, they still interact in some way. As a businessperson, it is important for you to “make friends” with your most loyal customers. Doing so will not only benefit you through increased sales and positive word of mouth, but will also make your customers happier to be a part of your growth. That, in turn, will lead to more loyal customers and, of course, more profits. But the only way to enter into this type of relationship with your loyal customers is to talk to them.
Ask for feedback
You want to get as much feedback from your customers as possible, both positive and negative. On your product packages, ask for feedback and provide contact information so customers can reach you. When you design your next business card printing, include more than just your phone number and email address: explicitly ask the recipients to get in touch with you and tell you about their experiences with your company.
Make it clear that you are asking for all types of feedback, even if it’s not good. Customers who can give you examples of shortfalls in your business are the most valuable of all. You can’t fix something if you don’t know it’s broken.
Use the feedback in your advertising
The feedback you receive from customers is only valuable if you use it. Fix the things that customers have complained about, and emphasize the things that they like. When you do a flyer printing, use it to put your company’s greatest strengths on display. Even better, put customer testimonials on them. You will probably have plenty of loyal customers who would be more than happy to let you use their positive reflections in an ad or flyer. Customer testimonials can be tremendously effective.
Keep your loyal customers engaged
Once you have used customer feedback to alter your marketing strategies, don’t stop there. Keep interacting with these customers; keep “making friends” with them. Send them postcards asking for more feedback. A good idea is to offer your loyal customers special offers or bonuses, simply for being loyal customers. This can do a great amount of good, as it gives those customers a sense of privilege and honor. They may end up spreading the word about your company through personal experiences, which is the most valuable advertisement of all.
Invite your friends to a party
At some point, you may want to invite your loyal customers to a gathering with you and the leaders of your company. This can be a good way to let them know how important they are to you, and to reward them with an exclusive chance to interact with the decision makers in the company. It can also increase sales, as these customers are very likely to buy more of your product before, during, and after the meeting.
As a business, the best friends you can make are your customers. Never forget that they are the ones who will make or break your company.
How to Make Friends: Become a Chameleon
Tim Wright asked:
When you first meet someone, they immediately begin to make a decision as to whether or not they like you based on a number of different attributes.
One of the attributes that they evaluate you on is your personality you present. Notice that I didn’t say the personality that you have, but the personality that you present.
After all, you could have the most obnoxious personality on the planet (and it may be the case), but if when you meet someone, you display a very personable and agreeable personality, they will evaluate you on the personality you display or show them.
Even if others have prejudiced them against you, by presenting an agreeable personality and winning them over, they will be forced to say that in their experience, you actually have a great personality.
The personality that you display is an essential part of neutralizing the “fight or flight” response that every individual experiences when they meet someone new.
With this in mind, you can see why it is important to display the right personality to the right person at the right time.
So that all makes sense, but what is the right personality to display? The right personality to display is the one that mirrors the personality of the person you are trying to meet.
For example, if the person who you’re approaching is shy and soft spoken, you do not want to approach them in an “over the top” loud and obnoxiously friendly way – you’ll probably scare them.
Of course you want to approach them in a friendly and confident way, but you need to do so a calm and quiet manner, so that you become congruent with them, matching their personality type as closely as you can.
Doing this elicits a certain amount of trust and feelings of safety, as you meet them on their level and in such a way that they will be receptive of your advances.
Once you have connected with their personality, you want to try and subtly lead them into a friendly, positive state. If you can do this and make them laugh genuinely, you’re set.
When you first meet someone, they immediately begin to make a decision as to whether or not they like you based on a number of different attributes.
One of the attributes that they evaluate you on is your personality you present. Notice that I didn’t say the personality that you have, but the personality that you present.
After all, you could have the most obnoxious personality on the planet (and it may be the case), but if when you meet someone, you display a very personable and agreeable personality, they will evaluate you on the personality you display or show them.
Even if others have prejudiced them against you, by presenting an agreeable personality and winning them over, they will be forced to say that in their experience, you actually have a great personality.
The personality that you display is an essential part of neutralizing the “fight or flight” response that every individual experiences when they meet someone new.
With this in mind, you can see why it is important to display the right personality to the right person at the right time.
So that all makes sense, but what is the right personality to display? The right personality to display is the one that mirrors the personality of the person you are trying to meet.
For example, if the person who you’re approaching is shy and soft spoken, you do not want to approach them in an “over the top” loud and obnoxiously friendly way – you’ll probably scare them.
Of course you want to approach them in a friendly and confident way, but you need to do so a calm and quiet manner, so that you become congruent with them, matching their personality type as closely as you can.
Doing this elicits a certain amount of trust and feelings of safety, as you meet them on their level and in such a way that they will be receptive of your advances.
Once you have connected with their personality, you want to try and subtly lead them into a friendly, positive state. If you can do this and make them laugh genuinely, you’re set.
