Frauds in the Metaphysical Field Part 3
November 5, 2009 by admin
Filed under News And Society
Leonard Lee asked:
SOME POINTS TO CONSIDER AND REMEMBER
1. Before looking for causes of your personal problems and their solutions in the metaphysical world and field, look for them in the physical realm. This also applies to phenomena that you may not understand. Instead of believing that they are supernatural in nature, first rationalize if their causes are not of a physical character.
2. Avoid systems of paranormal or metaphysical development that do not stress or lay down spiritual principles as their foundation. Those that teach metaphysics without the basic spiritual, ethical, and moral precepts are unknowingly the instruments of the Dark forces that ever seek to delay the spiritual progress of humanity.
3. Avoid metaphysical schools and teachers that offer “instant” psychic or spiritual unfoldment. These schools and teachers are not aware of the short-term and long-term adverse effects of their methodology. This is not to say that their methods do not work. What we are implying here is that there are dangers that they are ignorant of. Though they may think, feel and declare that dangers do not exist, dangers are inherent and do exist in any forced psychic growth. If you are seriously and sincerely interested in studying metaphysics, then we suggest that you find yourself a genuine teacher or school with genuine spiritual traditions, lineage, and roots. Their instructions and guidance are life-long and not limited to a short-course of study. They will teach you how to unfold spiritually and psychically naturally, and not force your growth in any way whatsoever.
4. Avoid paranormals and metaphysicians that make bombastic claims and advertise themselves excessively. The genuine metaphysician does not make much use of advertisements. He or she knows that their helpfulness to the public would spread from mouth to mouth. It is just an ego-trip that makes paranormals advertise themselves glamorously. Let us reason this out: even medical doctors and psychologists who serve the public do not advertise themselves in a glamorous fashion, why then should paranormals reduce themselves below the level of other social servants? The psychological reasons are usually insecurity, a sense of inferiority, ego-centeredness, or malice.
5. Avoid teachers of psychicism that commercialize their teachings or services in an irrational and ostentatious manner. They would overcharge you for their services, and make you dependent upon them so that you would return to them again and again. The genuine metaphysician will help you to help yourself and not seemingly help you but enriching themselves financially in the process. Please recognize the difference. We do not imply here that it is wrong for the metaphysician to charge for his services. On the contrary, charging for services is an acceptable practice in any field. What should be avoided are seeking aid from paranormals making irrational and excessive demands. Paranormals or metaphysicians making strange and unethical demands should be avoided at all cost.
6. Avoid dubious characters posing as paranormals, metaphysicians, adepts, Spiritual Gurus, Masters and Teachers. Always learn as much as you can of their character, their motives and purpose before establishing a Guru-Chela (Disciple) relationship with them or seeking their help in any way.
7. Be cautious of the services, wares, and products of paranormals. Disregard any predictions that they make concerning your future. Fortune telling is a dangerous pastime when taken too seriously. Genuine metaphysicians will hardly predict someone’s future. The acceptance of one’s predicted “future” causes passivity and submission and this a true metaphysician will not allow. He will not teach or cause one to accept one’s fate but instead teach how to create one’s future. One is to be a cause of one’s well-being and happiness and not be the receiving end of some adversity caused by external forces.
The Characteristics of a Spiritual Master
We would like to point out some of the qualities of an adept or a true spiritual Master of Metaphysics. By making this list it is hoped that the metaphysical student will know a true Master when he meets one and also to discover the right goals of attainment, the characteristics that should be acquired in order to reach Mastership; however, we caution the reader not to superficially adopt these characteristics in order to misrepresent themselves as Masters.
A Master expresses beauty in everything he/she says, with every physical movement, with every glance. He is likewise deeply sensitive to beauty in all forms.
A Master never directs attention to himself. He never indulges in self-aggrandizement, self-promotion, self-centered thought, self-centeredness, etc. He is egoless.
A Master has a strong, steady gaze that penetrates the soul. They often seem to be looking into the infinite distance.
A Master has deep respect for all members of the kingdoms of Nature.
A Master’s very presence radiates power.
Unconditional love is a basic quality of a Master. A Master never judges. He is always impersonal, detached and compassionate.
A true Master is a Master of Wisdom. His understanding of life and Cosmic laws far exceeds those of the average person.
A Master though possessing some or all spiritual and psychic powers have renounced their use except for emergencies and urgencies. He, therefore, will hardly ever reveal to anyone that he has them.
A Master never commands he simply suggest, he never instills fear but awakens courage. He never makes you feel bad of yourself; on the contrary, he helps you build self-esteem.
As a rule, a Master never predicts a person’s future and he never flatters the human ego.
A Master will always lead and direct you to the ultimate goal. Though he may teach the lower laws, truths and forces applicable to the improvement of mundane life he will not place too much emphasis upon them instructing that the phenomenal world is nothing but a dream and is illusory from the absolute perspective. He will direct your attention to more important matters.
A Master seldom speaks of his past, of himself, of his background, etc., unless it is pertinent and useful as illustrations in the conveyance of spiritual teachings to others.
A Master is detached from the occurrences of mundane life and the effects of human experience. He would never feel psychological pain should he find himself in adverse conditions, neither would he feel too overjoyed in times of prosperity. He is psychologically stable and centered, and is in a constant state of bliss at all times no matter what the outer circumstance.
A Master is universal and non-sectarian in his attitudes. He sees all men as an expression of the Supreme regardless of their religious leanings, their color, race, sex, etc. Though a Master may not be religious, he is deeply spiritual.
A true Master is creatively original. Being enlightened by his own divine essence a Master would teach or even write books directly from his heart and own experience. He would never plagiarize the work of another or teach things that are outmoded. It should be realized though that most Masters do not write many books–they leave that to their disciples.
Masters do not argue. They know that no amount of argument would convince the skeptic, and to those who are true seekers no argument would be necessary. They also never proclaim or reveal their spiritual status and speak only when their words are beneficial and cause positive motion. Masters, are therefore, usually reticent.
A Master embodies most, if not all of the divine virtues.
A Master is sweet, simple, and childlike; but when they focus their attention upon the problems of humanity they are a fount of wisdom.
A Master is often unpredictable, and his ways are not always understood.
A true spiritual Master never engages or indulges in low psychic activities. A Master serves by awakening the slumbering soul within man.
Although compassionate, a Master never sympathize with the feelings of the human ego for he does not recognize imperfection, he is simply aware of the perfection of God indwelling in the divine spark within microcosmic man.
A Master has no longer any egoic desires, he no longer functions from the personality level; he has long given up his human will in favor of the expression of the Divine Will of God.
A Master never complains, he knows no suffering for he transcends it. He also knows no death for his consciousness goes way beyond the confines of time and space.
A true Master does not hasten a student’s psychic growth prematurely by any “transference” of power. He always predominately concentrates upon raising the consciousness, improving the character, the spirituality, and increasing the wisdom and the understanding of his students.
A Master never judges the outer person of others but looks into the depths of their soul for value.
A Master never makes others feel guilty or sinful in any way, however, he does lead others from darkness into Light.
Although detached, impersonal, and sometimes seemingly aloof, a Master is full of affection for his chelas (students).
A Master appreciates every small service that is offered to him and the great work of manifesting the Divine Plan.
Perhaps one of the most outstanding and admirable characteristics of Spiritual Masters is that they do not consider themselves as Masters. This is their humility. They know that they still have a considerable amount of things to master and learn; they are so much aware that they are still undergoing the learning process and are embarrassed to call themselves “Masters” or have anyone else call them that.
By explaining the above the writer of this article does not imply in any way that he’s a Spiritual Master–far from it. The road where he is standing still extends to the unseen distance. In any case, it is not for the human ego to assert. We emphasize the principle that by the fruits we shall know the tree. In truth, the human ego is nothing–God everything. In performing their divine and spiritual duties Spiritual Masters declare: “It is not I that works but the ‘Father’ within me.”
Copyright © 2006 Luxamore
SOME POINTS TO CONSIDER AND REMEMBER
1. Before looking for causes of your personal problems and their solutions in the metaphysical world and field, look for them in the physical realm. This also applies to phenomena that you may not understand. Instead of believing that they are supernatural in nature, first rationalize if their causes are not of a physical character.
2. Avoid systems of paranormal or metaphysical development that do not stress or lay down spiritual principles as their foundation. Those that teach metaphysics without the basic spiritual, ethical, and moral precepts are unknowingly the instruments of the Dark forces that ever seek to delay the spiritual progress of humanity.
3. Avoid metaphysical schools and teachers that offer “instant” psychic or spiritual unfoldment. These schools and teachers are not aware of the short-term and long-term adverse effects of their methodology. This is not to say that their methods do not work. What we are implying here is that there are dangers that they are ignorant of. Though they may think, feel and declare that dangers do not exist, dangers are inherent and do exist in any forced psychic growth. If you are seriously and sincerely interested in studying metaphysics, then we suggest that you find yourself a genuine teacher or school with genuine spiritual traditions, lineage, and roots. Their instructions and guidance are life-long and not limited to a short-course of study. They will teach you how to unfold spiritually and psychically naturally, and not force your growth in any way whatsoever.
4. Avoid paranormals and metaphysicians that make bombastic claims and advertise themselves excessively. The genuine metaphysician does not make much use of advertisements. He or she knows that their helpfulness to the public would spread from mouth to mouth. It is just an ego-trip that makes paranormals advertise themselves glamorously. Let us reason this out: even medical doctors and psychologists who serve the public do not advertise themselves in a glamorous fashion, why then should paranormals reduce themselves below the level of other social servants? The psychological reasons are usually insecurity, a sense of inferiority, ego-centeredness, or malice.
5. Avoid teachers of psychicism that commercialize their teachings or services in an irrational and ostentatious manner. They would overcharge you for their services, and make you dependent upon them so that you would return to them again and again. The genuine metaphysician will help you to help yourself and not seemingly help you but enriching themselves financially in the process. Please recognize the difference. We do not imply here that it is wrong for the metaphysician to charge for his services. On the contrary, charging for services is an acceptable practice in any field. What should be avoided are seeking aid from paranormals making irrational and excessive demands. Paranormals or metaphysicians making strange and unethical demands should be avoided at all cost.
6. Avoid dubious characters posing as paranormals, metaphysicians, adepts, Spiritual Gurus, Masters and Teachers. Always learn as much as you can of their character, their motives and purpose before establishing a Guru-Chela (Disciple) relationship with them or seeking their help in any way.
7. Be cautious of the services, wares, and products of paranormals. Disregard any predictions that they make concerning your future. Fortune telling is a dangerous pastime when taken too seriously. Genuine metaphysicians will hardly predict someone’s future. The acceptance of one’s predicted “future” causes passivity and submission and this a true metaphysician will not allow. He will not teach or cause one to accept one’s fate but instead teach how to create one’s future. One is to be a cause of one’s well-being and happiness and not be the receiving end of some adversity caused by external forces.
The Characteristics of a Spiritual Master
We would like to point out some of the qualities of an adept or a true spiritual Master of Metaphysics. By making this list it is hoped that the metaphysical student will know a true Master when he meets one and also to discover the right goals of attainment, the characteristics that should be acquired in order to reach Mastership; however, we caution the reader not to superficially adopt these characteristics in order to misrepresent themselves as Masters.
A Master expresses beauty in everything he/she says, with every physical movement, with every glance. He is likewise deeply sensitive to beauty in all forms.
A Master never directs attention to himself. He never indulges in self-aggrandizement, self-promotion, self-centered thought, self-centeredness, etc. He is egoless.
A Master has a strong, steady gaze that penetrates the soul. They often seem to be looking into the infinite distance.
A Master has deep respect for all members of the kingdoms of Nature.
A Master’s very presence radiates power.
Unconditional love is a basic quality of a Master. A Master never judges. He is always impersonal, detached and compassionate.
A true Master is a Master of Wisdom. His understanding of life and Cosmic laws far exceeds those of the average person.
A Master though possessing some or all spiritual and psychic powers have renounced their use except for emergencies and urgencies. He, therefore, will hardly ever reveal to anyone that he has them.
A Master never commands he simply suggest, he never instills fear but awakens courage. He never makes you feel bad of yourself; on the contrary, he helps you build self-esteem.
As a rule, a Master never predicts a person’s future and he never flatters the human ego.
A Master will always lead and direct you to the ultimate goal. Though he may teach the lower laws, truths and forces applicable to the improvement of mundane life he will not place too much emphasis upon them instructing that the phenomenal world is nothing but a dream and is illusory from the absolute perspective. He will direct your attention to more important matters.
A Master seldom speaks of his past, of himself, of his background, etc., unless it is pertinent and useful as illustrations in the conveyance of spiritual teachings to others.
A Master is detached from the occurrences of mundane life and the effects of human experience. He would never feel psychological pain should he find himself in adverse conditions, neither would he feel too overjoyed in times of prosperity. He is psychologically stable and centered, and is in a constant state of bliss at all times no matter what the outer circumstance.
A Master is universal and non-sectarian in his attitudes. He sees all men as an expression of the Supreme regardless of their religious leanings, their color, race, sex, etc. Though a Master may not be religious, he is deeply spiritual.
A true Master is creatively original. Being enlightened by his own divine essence a Master would teach or even write books directly from his heart and own experience. He would never plagiarize the work of another or teach things that are outmoded. It should be realized though that most Masters do not write many books–they leave that to their disciples.
Masters do not argue. They know that no amount of argument would convince the skeptic, and to those who are true seekers no argument would be necessary. They also never proclaim or reveal their spiritual status and speak only when their words are beneficial and cause positive motion. Masters, are therefore, usually reticent.
A Master embodies most, if not all of the divine virtues.
A Master is sweet, simple, and childlike; but when they focus their attention upon the problems of humanity they are a fount of wisdom.
A Master is often unpredictable, and his ways are not always understood.
A true spiritual Master never engages or indulges in low psychic activities. A Master serves by awakening the slumbering soul within man.
Although compassionate, a Master never sympathize with the feelings of the human ego for he does not recognize imperfection, he is simply aware of the perfection of God indwelling in the divine spark within microcosmic man.
A Master has no longer any egoic desires, he no longer functions from the personality level; he has long given up his human will in favor of the expression of the Divine Will of God.
A Master never complains, he knows no suffering for he transcends it. He also knows no death for his consciousness goes way beyond the confines of time and space.
A true Master does not hasten a student’s psychic growth prematurely by any “transference” of power. He always predominately concentrates upon raising the consciousness, improving the character, the spirituality, and increasing the wisdom and the understanding of his students.
A Master never judges the outer person of others but looks into the depths of their soul for value.
A Master never makes others feel guilty or sinful in any way, however, he does lead others from darkness into Light.
Although detached, impersonal, and sometimes seemingly aloof, a Master is full of affection for his chelas (students).
A Master appreciates every small service that is offered to him and the great work of manifesting the Divine Plan.
Perhaps one of the most outstanding and admirable characteristics of Spiritual Masters is that they do not consider themselves as Masters. This is their humility. They know that they still have a considerable amount of things to master and learn; they are so much aware that they are still undergoing the learning process and are embarrassed to call themselves “Masters” or have anyone else call them that.
By explaining the above the writer of this article does not imply in any way that he’s a Spiritual Master–far from it. The road where he is standing still extends to the unseen distance. In any case, it is not for the human ego to assert. We emphasize the principle that by the fruits we shall know the tree. In truth, the human ego is nothing–God everything. In performing their divine and spiritual duties Spiritual Masters declare: “It is not I that works but the ‘Father’ within me.”
Copyright © 2006 Luxamore
What Exactly is a Poltergeist Anyway?
Denise Villani asked:
Poltergeist is the German word meaning “noisy ghost”. The word comes from the German term poltern which means “to knock” and geist which means “spirit”. The best defining mark of a poltergeist is any manipulation of the physical environment such as the movement of objects, physical attacks, spontaneous combustions, etc.
Poltergeist phenomena is usually credited to mischievous spirits or ghosts and is associated with psychokinesis which is the ability to move things by power of the mind alone. This kinetic type of energy remains unexplained, but even somemainstream scientists are starting to explore the idea that it does exist.
Poltergeists are not usually considered to be spirits, but instead some theories state that poltergeists are mass forms of energy that a living person is unknowingly controlling. Poltergeist hauntings may be the most misunderstood, most terrifying, and rarest type of haunting, and some believe that poltergeist hauntings are not even a haunting at all. In some cases, extreme poltergeists activity has even been linked to demons. A key question that comes into play with poltergeist cases is whether the psychokinesis is causing the activity, or if it is actually occurring from an unseen troubled spirit or ghost.
In a typical poltergeist case there is most likely a variety of phenomena taking place. There may be knocking and tapping noises, sounds with no visible cause, disturbance of stationary objects like household items and furniture, doors slamming, lights turning on and off, fires breaking out and much, much more. Chairs have been known to move around by themselves; walls shake from loud, unexplained banging. Water drips from a ceiling. Things like hairbrushes and jewelry disappear, only to reappear at a later time in right where they should have been in the first place.
Usually, after a subtle and somewhat calm start, the activity will become more intense, manifesting itself through voices and even the appearance of full apparitions. Furniture may slide across the room and beds may shake. Sometimes the effects of a poltergeist are more playful than harmful, but sometimes the activity has been known to be downright nasty. Reports of scratches, bites, harmful objects being put in one’s way such as glass shards on a pillow or tacks under a bed sheet have been noted, as well as possession.
Poltergeists build over time to a climax, then start over. They can travel anywhere. Most poltergeists nearing the climax of their energy can become dangerous to the living. Inflicting both mental and physical terror in extreme cases. Poltergeist hauntings seem to mysteriously go away as quickly as they began. The most famous and terrible accounts of a poltergeist attacking a family is the Bell Witch.
A common factor of classic poltergeist activity is the presence of a female adolescent in the household or for all of the activity to be centered around one specific person. It is common that none of the activity will take place unless that person is present at the time. In most cases, when that specific person is removed from the location, the events cease. The person causing all of the phenomenon is doing so subconsciously and usually isn’t even aware that they’re the cause. Ths activity could also be centered around someone who is under an unusual amount of stress. When the stress is relived, sometimes by leaving the location itself, the problems stop. If the stress continues, the “haunting” seems to follow them.
In true poltergeist hauntings, none of the activity will continue after the person is removed from the environment, as they are not there to create it or influence an unseen entity. It has been reported, however, that activity can return later if the “right” person visits or lives in a notably poltergeist-haunted place. This would lead one to believe that it requires a combined psychic energy to manifest such terrible hauntings. In most cases, relieving the inner problems of the indivudual is the key to stopping the poltergeist activity.
On the other hand, not all cases of supposed poltergeist activity involve disturbed individuals. Not all hauntings can be easily categorized and it’s important not to jump quickly to conclusions. In some cases, what appears to be the work of a disturbed person may actually be that of the spirits, and vice versa. In addition, some genuinely haunted spots seem to be so filled with energy that witnesses at the location can even manifest their own phenomena.
Poltergeist activity provides an excellent opportunity for researchers to document strange activity, but these case most likely won’t have anything to do with ghosts and there is really no way to help the victims. It’s usually best to refer the family to a good counselor or mental health care provider, rather than try to act as a paranormal investigator. A counselor is usually the best person to provide assistance under these circumstances because psychokenesis normally manifests because of emotional disturbance.
Poltergeist is the German word meaning “noisy ghost”. The word comes from the German term poltern which means “to knock” and geist which means “spirit”. The best defining mark of a poltergeist is any manipulation of the physical environment such as the movement of objects, physical attacks, spontaneous combustions, etc.
Poltergeist phenomena is usually credited to mischievous spirits or ghosts and is associated with psychokinesis which is the ability to move things by power of the mind alone. This kinetic type of energy remains unexplained, but even somemainstream scientists are starting to explore the idea that it does exist.
Poltergeists are not usually considered to be spirits, but instead some theories state that poltergeists are mass forms of energy that a living person is unknowingly controlling. Poltergeist hauntings may be the most misunderstood, most terrifying, and rarest type of haunting, and some believe that poltergeist hauntings are not even a haunting at all. In some cases, extreme poltergeists activity has even been linked to demons. A key question that comes into play with poltergeist cases is whether the psychokinesis is causing the activity, or if it is actually occurring from an unseen troubled spirit or ghost.
In a typical poltergeist case there is most likely a variety of phenomena taking place. There may be knocking and tapping noises, sounds with no visible cause, disturbance of stationary objects like household items and furniture, doors slamming, lights turning on and off, fires breaking out and much, much more. Chairs have been known to move around by themselves; walls shake from loud, unexplained banging. Water drips from a ceiling. Things like hairbrushes and jewelry disappear, only to reappear at a later time in right where they should have been in the first place.
Usually, after a subtle and somewhat calm start, the activity will become more intense, manifesting itself through voices and even the appearance of full apparitions. Furniture may slide across the room and beds may shake. Sometimes the effects of a poltergeist are more playful than harmful, but sometimes the activity has been known to be downright nasty. Reports of scratches, bites, harmful objects being put in one’s way such as glass shards on a pillow or tacks under a bed sheet have been noted, as well as possession.
Poltergeists build over time to a climax, then start over. They can travel anywhere. Most poltergeists nearing the climax of their energy can become dangerous to the living. Inflicting both mental and physical terror in extreme cases. Poltergeist hauntings seem to mysteriously go away as quickly as they began. The most famous and terrible accounts of a poltergeist attacking a family is the Bell Witch.
A common factor of classic poltergeist activity is the presence of a female adolescent in the household or for all of the activity to be centered around one specific person. It is common that none of the activity will take place unless that person is present at the time. In most cases, when that specific person is removed from the location, the events cease. The person causing all of the phenomenon is doing so subconsciously and usually isn’t even aware that they’re the cause. Ths activity could also be centered around someone who is under an unusual amount of stress. When the stress is relived, sometimes by leaving the location itself, the problems stop. If the stress continues, the “haunting” seems to follow them.
In true poltergeist hauntings, none of the activity will continue after the person is removed from the environment, as they are not there to create it or influence an unseen entity. It has been reported, however, that activity can return later if the “right” person visits or lives in a notably poltergeist-haunted place. This would lead one to believe that it requires a combined psychic energy to manifest such terrible hauntings. In most cases, relieving the inner problems of the indivudual is the key to stopping the poltergeist activity.
On the other hand, not all cases of supposed poltergeist activity involve disturbed individuals. Not all hauntings can be easily categorized and it’s important not to jump quickly to conclusions. In some cases, what appears to be the work of a disturbed person may actually be that of the spirits, and vice versa. In addition, some genuinely haunted spots seem to be so filled with energy that witnesses at the location can even manifest their own phenomena.
Poltergeist activity provides an excellent opportunity for researchers to document strange activity, but these case most likely won’t have anything to do with ghosts and there is really no way to help the victims. It’s usually best to refer the family to a good counselor or mental health care provider, rather than try to act as a paranormal investigator. A counselor is usually the best person to provide assistance under these circumstances because psychokenesis normally manifests because of emotional disturbance.
Help Kids Make Friends – What Can Parents Do to Guide the Social Development of Children?
October 24, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach asked:
Making friends is a skill, just like playing the piano or riding a bike. Skills can be learned and behaviors can be changed. While it may require more effort for some people to be comfortable in groups, it can be learned, especially if the child is willing to put forth the effort and knows that she has your support.
Be sure to encourage a child’s positive efforts to get along with peers and to find a friend, even when it appears that such attempts are not meeting with success. Remind her of the fine qualities that she has that will add to the friendship when just the right person comes along.
Another reminder is that making just the right friend for her may take some time and not to give up. Help her to see what she has to offer as a friend. For example, you might say: “I really appreciate it when my friends call me and invite me places. It makes me feel welcome and accepted. Even on the times when I am not able to go, I still feel good to know they thought of me. That is why I treat them with kindness and respect, because that is how I want to be treated.”
In my workshops I find it helpful to make a list of what people look for in a friend. You may want to make such a list with your child. After brainstorming it is easy to include such things as:
• Trustworthy
• Kind and compassionate
• Willing to share happy and sad times
• Loyal, will watch my back
• Sense of humor
• Positive attitude, upbeat
• Similar interests
• Fun to be with
• Not be too possessive or needy
• Cooperative
• Enjoys being with me
If you look at the list, almost never does it include psychical attributes, they are all character traits and inner personal skills. If we don’t have those skills, we can work on obtaining them by practicing a little each day until it becomes automatic action. It is this attitude of openness and willingness to share that is communicated to those we would like to be our friends.
The irony is that people, young and old, tend to blame outward appearances for lack of friends, when it is the inward attitudes and character traits that are longed for in friendship. We are not searching for lovely nearly as much as loyalty in a companion and buddy.
When we realize that it is not our big ears, speech impediment or color of skin that stops others from befriending us, as much as it is how we treat others and feel about ourselves, we will have more to offer a friendship. As you encourage making a list of what the child is looking for in a friend, be sure to mention that appearances may be deceiving. She may very well know many in her class who are also looking for just the right person to hang around with.
Hopefully, your child will draw her own conclusions that she is a valuable person and has much to bring to a relationship. And likewise, there may very well be many people who meet the criteria of a friend that she has been overlooking.
It is more empowering for a child to list her own positive qualities that will make her a valuable friend than for you to do it for her. This is her work, but you are the support team. You cannot make your child happy, popular, talented or attractive to other children. If you think you can, you will be setting both of you up for disappointment and a great deal of frustration.
What you can do is offer her suggestions, assistance, opportunities and options. Hopefully, she will recognize the clues of social interaction and ‘click’ with a good group of friends who will support her in her school years and become life long buddies.
How you manage social situations affects the way your children view social interaction. If you have meaningful relationships that add pleasure to your life, they will see that and want to have the same thing.
I also do Confidence Coaching for young adults (8 to 18) Call me for more information.
© 2008 by Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator, Author and international speaker on family relations. Ph: 406.549.9813 You may reprint this article, but please keep the contact information and content intact.
For Free articles and to sign up for the e-zine The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life please go to http://www.ArtichokePress.com You will also find a full listing of books, workshops, and Free teleclasses held every Thursday on family relationship issues.
For a free eBook on non verbal and verbal communication go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com
You will be glad you did.
Making friends is a skill, just like playing the piano or riding a bike. Skills can be learned and behaviors can be changed. While it may require more effort for some people to be comfortable in groups, it can be learned, especially if the child is willing to put forth the effort and knows that she has your support.
Be sure to encourage a child’s positive efforts to get along with peers and to find a friend, even when it appears that such attempts are not meeting with success. Remind her of the fine qualities that she has that will add to the friendship when just the right person comes along.
Another reminder is that making just the right friend for her may take some time and not to give up. Help her to see what she has to offer as a friend. For example, you might say: “I really appreciate it when my friends call me and invite me places. It makes me feel welcome and accepted. Even on the times when I am not able to go, I still feel good to know they thought of me. That is why I treat them with kindness and respect, because that is how I want to be treated.”
In my workshops I find it helpful to make a list of what people look for in a friend. You may want to make such a list with your child. After brainstorming it is easy to include such things as:
• Trustworthy
• Kind and compassionate
• Willing to share happy and sad times
• Loyal, will watch my back
• Sense of humor
• Positive attitude, upbeat
• Similar interests
• Fun to be with
• Not be too possessive or needy
• Cooperative
• Enjoys being with me
If you look at the list, almost never does it include psychical attributes, they are all character traits and inner personal skills. If we don’t have those skills, we can work on obtaining them by practicing a little each day until it becomes automatic action. It is this attitude of openness and willingness to share that is communicated to those we would like to be our friends.
The irony is that people, young and old, tend to blame outward appearances for lack of friends, when it is the inward attitudes and character traits that are longed for in friendship. We are not searching for lovely nearly as much as loyalty in a companion and buddy.
When we realize that it is not our big ears, speech impediment or color of skin that stops others from befriending us, as much as it is how we treat others and feel about ourselves, we will have more to offer a friendship. As you encourage making a list of what the child is looking for in a friend, be sure to mention that appearances may be deceiving. She may very well know many in her class who are also looking for just the right person to hang around with.
Hopefully, your child will draw her own conclusions that she is a valuable person and has much to bring to a relationship. And likewise, there may very well be many people who meet the criteria of a friend that she has been overlooking.
It is more empowering for a child to list her own positive qualities that will make her a valuable friend than for you to do it for her. This is her work, but you are the support team. You cannot make your child happy, popular, talented or attractive to other children. If you think you can, you will be setting both of you up for disappointment and a great deal of frustration.
What you can do is offer her suggestions, assistance, opportunities and options. Hopefully, she will recognize the clues of social interaction and ‘click’ with a good group of friends who will support her in her school years and become life long buddies.
How you manage social situations affects the way your children view social interaction. If you have meaningful relationships that add pleasure to your life, they will see that and want to have the same thing.
I also do Confidence Coaching for young adults (8 to 18) Call me for more information.
© 2008 by Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator, Author and international speaker on family relations. Ph: 406.549.9813 You may reprint this article, but please keep the contact information and content intact.
For Free articles and to sign up for the e-zine The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life please go to http://www.ArtichokePress.com You will also find a full listing of books, workshops, and Free teleclasses held every Thursday on family relationship issues.
For a free eBook on non verbal and verbal communication go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com
You will be glad you did.
Make Friends First before You Date Someone
Ray Shane asked:
There are many lonely hearts out there in this world who are searching for life partners or looking for romantic relationships, but their busy lifestyles don’t permit them the time that is needed to find out and search for such partners and nurture a relationship with them. It is for people like these that the numerous internet dating sites, speed dating sites, romantic dating sites, friendship site and local dating sites have blossomed all over the internet and are doing great business.
All that you need to do is to sign up for a make new friends or romantic dating or speed dating site and create an interesting, peppy and charming profile with numerous attractive photographs of yours. Through these sites, you will get to date many members of the opposite *** and if luck favours, you may find your Mr. Right or Ms. Right.
But the problem with these people who sign up for romantic dating sites or internet dating sites is that they sometimes get so desperate to hook up that they end up making a complete fool of themselves in front of their dates. When you are single and don’t have anyone in your life with whom you want to share everything, you definitely feel unhappy and left out, especially when you see your friends hitched and happy. But don’t let your desperation overpower you.
You have to learn how to take the dating game seriously without showing the seriousness. And you can never become free and easy with the opposite *** unless you become friends with your date first.
Often it has been noticed that people who chat garrulously over the internet dating sites become quite tongue tied and ill at ease, when they actually meet their date in public. This is normal. To tide over this shyness, the best thing is to become friends with your date and treat him/her normally, but with respect as you would do your friend. This will help to break the ice and get the conversation going.
Ideally, even during the online dating period, you should mix with the opposite *** in a friendly manner and share positive vibes with that person. By mixing freely and easily, both of you will get to know each other better and will be able to share your views and opinions. This will help you to judge the other person better and know him/her and very soon you will be able to judge whether your date is perfect as your life partner or not.
And then you can go out with her/him. This is the reason why making friends first before dating someone is a more feasible and clever idea. The unique dating site FriendsorMates.com will be able to help you better in this regard with their huge pool of informative articles.
There are many lonely hearts out there in this world who are searching for life partners or looking for romantic relationships, but their busy lifestyles don’t permit them the time that is needed to find out and search for such partners and nurture a relationship with them. It is for people like these that the numerous internet dating sites, speed dating sites, romantic dating sites, friendship site and local dating sites have blossomed all over the internet and are doing great business.
All that you need to do is to sign up for a make new friends or romantic dating or speed dating site and create an interesting, peppy and charming profile with numerous attractive photographs of yours. Through these sites, you will get to date many members of the opposite *** and if luck favours, you may find your Mr. Right or Ms. Right.
But the problem with these people who sign up for romantic dating sites or internet dating sites is that they sometimes get so desperate to hook up that they end up making a complete fool of themselves in front of their dates. When you are single and don’t have anyone in your life with whom you want to share everything, you definitely feel unhappy and left out, especially when you see your friends hitched and happy. But don’t let your desperation overpower you.
You have to learn how to take the dating game seriously without showing the seriousness. And you can never become free and easy with the opposite *** unless you become friends with your date first.
Often it has been noticed that people who chat garrulously over the internet dating sites become quite tongue tied and ill at ease, when they actually meet their date in public. This is normal. To tide over this shyness, the best thing is to become friends with your date and treat him/her normally, but with respect as you would do your friend. This will help to break the ice and get the conversation going.
Ideally, even during the online dating period, you should mix with the opposite *** in a friendly manner and share positive vibes with that person. By mixing freely and easily, both of you will get to know each other better and will be able to share your views and opinions. This will help you to judge the other person better and know him/her and very soon you will be able to judge whether your date is perfect as your life partner or not.
And then you can go out with her/him. This is the reason why making friends first before dating someone is a more feasible and clever idea. The unique dating site FriendsorMates.com will be able to help you better in this regard with their huge pool of informative articles.
Aura (paranormal)
Michael Smith asked:
The depiction of such an aura in religious art usually connotes a person of particular power or holiness. According to the literature of movements (such as Theosophy, Anthroposophy, Archeosophy, etc.) each color of the aura has a precise meaning, indicating a precise emotional state.
A complete description of the Aura and its colors was provided by Charles Leadbeater, a theosophist of the 19th century. The works of Leadbeater were later developed by Palamidessi and others. Skeptics such as Robert Todd Carroll doubt the evidence presented for the perception of auras, contending that auras may be seen for explainable reasons such as migraines or synaesthesia.
Some people see auras as the result of a migraine, epilepsy, a visual system disorder, or a brain disorder. Eye fatigue can also produce an aura, sometimes to referred to as “eye burn”. (See Aura (symptom) and synesthesia.) W.E. Butler has connected auras with clairvoyance and etheric, mental, and emotional emanations.
He classifies aura into two main types: etheric and spiritual. Robert Bruce classifies auras into three types: etheric, main, and spiritual. Various books have been written that derive various personality traits based upon the specific colors of the different layers of the aura. Auras are thought to be related to the etheric subtle body and to serve as a visual measure of the state of the health of the physical body.
Auras are not thought to be actual light but a translation of other unknown sensory readings that is added to our visual processing. According to Bruce they are not seen in complete darkness and cannot be seen unless some portion of the person or object emitting the aura can also be seen.
Debunkers of paranormal activity deny claims of the existence of auras, labeling them pseudoscience. One test, which was televised, involved an “aura” reader standing on one side of a room with an opaque partition separating her from a number of slots which might contain either actual people or mannequins.
The aura reader failed to identify which partitions had which behind them, claiming that all were concealing people. According to Bruce’s criteria for the visibility of the aura, this test would have been impossible.
The depiction of such an aura in religious art usually connotes a person of particular power or holiness. According to the literature of movements (such as Theosophy, Anthroposophy, Archeosophy, etc.) each color of the aura has a precise meaning, indicating a precise emotional state.
A complete description of the Aura and its colors was provided by Charles Leadbeater, a theosophist of the 19th century. The works of Leadbeater were later developed by Palamidessi and others. Skeptics such as Robert Todd Carroll doubt the evidence presented for the perception of auras, contending that auras may be seen for explainable reasons such as migraines or synaesthesia.
Some people see auras as the result of a migraine, epilepsy, a visual system disorder, or a brain disorder. Eye fatigue can also produce an aura, sometimes to referred to as “eye burn”. (See Aura (symptom) and synesthesia.) W.E. Butler has connected auras with clairvoyance and etheric, mental, and emotional emanations.
He classifies aura into two main types: etheric and spiritual. Robert Bruce classifies auras into three types: etheric, main, and spiritual. Various books have been written that derive various personality traits based upon the specific colors of the different layers of the aura. Auras are thought to be related to the etheric subtle body and to serve as a visual measure of the state of the health of the physical body.
Auras are not thought to be actual light but a translation of other unknown sensory readings that is added to our visual processing. According to Bruce they are not seen in complete darkness and cannot be seen unless some portion of the person or object emitting the aura can also be seen.
Debunkers of paranormal activity deny claims of the existence of auras, labeling them pseudoscience. One test, which was televised, involved an “aura” reader standing on one side of a room with an opaque partition separating her from a number of slots which might contain either actual people or mannequins.
The aura reader failed to identify which partitions had which behind them, claiming that all were concealing people. According to Bruce’s criteria for the visibility of the aura, this test would have been impossible.
Dating to Make Friends: An Alternative View
Jane Saeman asked:
Friends are not easy to find once you into a working environment. If you have childhood friends around that’s great, but many people move far away from where they grew up, and contact with those they used to confide in becomes increasingly difficult. Finding the time to meet new people, and then spend enough time to get to a level where you trust them enough to confide in isn’t easy, especially if you’re also looking for a partner and using your free time to date.
If you are someone who feels more comfortable with the opposite sex, then dating is a great way of making friends. There are very few people who date only one person and then commit to them for the rest of their lives. The usual scenario is that you date a number of people who have quite a lot of things in common with you, until you find the one that you really connect with on a deeper level. The fact that you have been on a personal, if not intimate, level with the people you date puts you in a good position to transition these once potential dates into friendships.
There’s a problem with this in that any future people you, or your ex date, go out with may not like the relationship and try to break it. This makes the friendship a little precarious, but as time passes, the bond of friendship and trust becomes one that both of you will be reluctant to break — both of you appreciating what you get from the platonic relationship — and so it becomes more secure. Even so, if you, or your friend, find a partner that they intend to make a permanent fixture in their lives your friendship together may have to be severed in order for that to happen.
Even if you’re not really interested in having a deeper relationship with someone, there’s nothing to stop you going out on casual dates. There are plenty of other people out there who enjoy having one-on-one time with another person without it having to lead to a “serious relationship”. You may get a reputation for being a habitual dater, but that’s just a label that someone who dates looking for a partner puts on it. There’s nothing wrong in using the dating scene as a social meeting arena! Make your intentions known up front and you’ll get to meet a number of people who have similar interests to your own, but aren’t going to expect anything other than friendship in return for the time spent together.
If a serious relationship isn’t what you’re looking for, but you would like to find a few more friends, trying some casual dating and you’ll meet some interesting people. You aren’t guaranteed to build a true friendship with any or all of them, but at the very least, you’ll have a good time exploring the possibility!
Friends are not easy to find once you into a working environment. If you have childhood friends around that’s great, but many people move far away from where they grew up, and contact with those they used to confide in becomes increasingly difficult. Finding the time to meet new people, and then spend enough time to get to a level where you trust them enough to confide in isn’t easy, especially if you’re also looking for a partner and using your free time to date.
If you are someone who feels more comfortable with the opposite sex, then dating is a great way of making friends. There are very few people who date only one person and then commit to them for the rest of their lives. The usual scenario is that you date a number of people who have quite a lot of things in common with you, until you find the one that you really connect with on a deeper level. The fact that you have been on a personal, if not intimate, level with the people you date puts you in a good position to transition these once potential dates into friendships.
There’s a problem with this in that any future people you, or your ex date, go out with may not like the relationship and try to break it. This makes the friendship a little precarious, but as time passes, the bond of friendship and trust becomes one that both of you will be reluctant to break — both of you appreciating what you get from the platonic relationship — and so it becomes more secure. Even so, if you, or your friend, find a partner that they intend to make a permanent fixture in their lives your friendship together may have to be severed in order for that to happen.
Even if you’re not really interested in having a deeper relationship with someone, there’s nothing to stop you going out on casual dates. There are plenty of other people out there who enjoy having one-on-one time with another person without it having to lead to a “serious relationship”. You may get a reputation for being a habitual dater, but that’s just a label that someone who dates looking for a partner puts on it. There’s nothing wrong in using the dating scene as a social meeting arena! Make your intentions known up front and you’ll get to meet a number of people who have similar interests to your own, but aren’t going to expect anything other than friendship in return for the time spent together.
If a serious relationship isn’t what you’re looking for, but you would like to find a few more friends, trying some casual dating and you’ll meet some interesting people. You aren’t guaranteed to build a true friendship with any or all of them, but at the very least, you’ll have a good time exploring the possibility!
